Story of the day - Is your compassion medically necessary?

John was aware of the power of groups. He had been a counselor for years and had facilitated many groups which were intended to be therapeutic. In the substance abuse field this activity is called "treatment."

The payors, the insurance companies, have required that a medical model be imposed on psychotherapeutic activities like individual counseling, group meetings, family therapy and would only pay for services if these activities met the definition of "medically necessary." The health insurance companies refuse to pay for services which are simply educational, vocational rehabilitation, or case management. The medical records of these activities are constantly scrutinized to determine if acceptable symptoms had been noted, appropriate psychiatric diagnoses assigned, legitimate treatment goals articulated, and progress towards those goals described.

It seemed an arbitrary definition to John whether his compassion, his empathic conversations, his purposeful interaction with clients and their families and referral agents are "medically necessary."

When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead to ease the grief of his mourning sisters would it have been reimbursed in this day and age by the health insurance companies or when Jesus made a paste from dust and his saliva, and cured the blind man's blindness when he put the muddy paste over this eyes?

As this thought crossed his mind, John started laughing to himself, guffawing really, and his eyes welled up with tears, and his colleague, Shannon, having heard the explosion of frivolity got up and came to his office, looked in, and seeing him alone, asked, "Are you okay?"

John, at first couldn't answer because he was laughing/crying so hard, he couldn't articulate the words properly to speak. Finally, he stood up, took a tissue and wiped his face and blew his nose, and said to her, "I need a day off. I am really not feeling well. I've got to get out of here. Please cancel my appointments or find someone else to cover them. I'll see you tomorrow." and John walked out of the office, down the corridor, out the back door into the parking lot, got in his car, took a big sigh of relief, and drove down to the lake to watch the seagulls and the waves roll up to the beach line.

The blind leading the blind or a transcendent miracle?

In Chapter 9 of her book, The Green Boat: Reviving Ourselves in Our Capsized Culture, Mary Pipher writes about the growth of the Nebraskan coalition to fight the TransCanada XL pipeline crossing their state. Pipher describes the Festival activities sponsored across the State of Nebraska for the purpose of convincing the Governor and State legislature to block and not approve the legislation necessary for the building of the pipeline. Pipher writes:

“That night, we had crested a wave. But Monday morning we were exactly in the same situation with our politicians that we had been in before the festival. This bittersweet phenomenon of a successful event paired with no discernible political gain seemed to be a chronic problem for our group.

However, we were experiencing a victory that could not be taken away from us. That is, we were by now a transcendent, connected community. We were learning that relationships always trump agendas, and that a good process is sustaining, regardless of outcome. I cannot emphasize how important relationships were to us at this point.

In fact, what I came to realize from my work with the coalition is that in individuals, families, communities, cultures, and even on earth itself, nothing good and beautiful lasts unless it is grounded in loving, interconnected relationships.” P.175-176

In reading this passage I am reminded of several of the Unitarian Universalist principles like number 7, “respect for the interdependent web of existence of which we are a part,” and number one, “the inherent worth and dignity of every person,” and number 5, “the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society and large,” and number three, “the acceptance of one another and the encouragement to spiritual growth,” and number two, “justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.”

Piper’s story in The Green Boat is a story about bringing UU principles into application and the frustration, discouragement, and difficulties this entails as well as the satisfaction, fulfillment, and transcendent quality of working with others towards a positive social goal beyond our individual selves but which benefits all living things and the planet. Pipher describes herself, like many of us, depressed, despondent, even despairing before this coalition building effort but as they say “misery likes company” and joining with others they have transcended their own individual darkness. Jesus says that where two or more are gathered in my name there I will be. I don’t think that you necessarily need to believe that Jesus is God to observe this phenomenon. It can be seen in any city and some small towns in America and around the world where there are 12 step meetings held like Alcoholics Anonymous. It appears very counter-intuitive to put a couple of drunks in a room together and they help each other become sober. What happened to the cynical statement about “the blind leading the blind?” It happens that when the blind lead the blind they sometimes develop the ability to see.

This counter-intuitive, nonsensical faith in the transcendent power of recognition and acknowledgement and support for our interdependence leads to miraculous awareness of what A Course In Miracles calls the At-one-ment, the Atonement which is the end point of human evolution when human beings become one with everything or as I define it, when everybody loves everybody all the time.

The coalition which Pipher describes in Nebraska in 2010-2011 has this quality of a step towards the Atonement. This is a religious experience, a spiritual experience, which Unitarian Universalism recognizes, acknowledges, and actively promotes. While Pipher describes herself as the world’s worst Buddhist, the UUA might consider asking her if she would like to accept an honorary designation as a Unitarian Universalist luminary since she and her coalition light the way which the rest of us might do well to emulate.

Story of the day - UU yahoos and tree hugging

Joe was talking with a bunch of folks at the local coffee shop sitting outside at the sidewalk tables when the topic turned to religion.

Barry asked, “So Joe where are you going to church now days? I’ve heard you move around a lot.”

Joe said, “I’ve been going to the Unitarian Universalist church,” quietly waiting for Barry’s snide remarks which he usually made to get a laugh from whatever audience was present.

“Ah,” said Barry, “the UU yahoos,” laughing which made everyone snicker.

Joe laughed too. “That’s a good one. I hadn’t heard that before. It even rhymes. UU yahoo. That’s good.”

“Yeah,” said Ken. “They’re the guys who don’t believe in anything, right?”

“We have our seven principles,” said Joe. “It’s not a creed. They’re more like values we agree to.”

“Like what?” said Cindy.

“Well, like we accept one another and try to help each other out, “ said Joe.

“Like Kiwanis,” said Barry making a statement and not a question.

“UU is just a civic club?” asked Cindy like she was incredulous.

“No,” said Joe starting to get mad. “It’s a religion. They believe in some stuff. It’s spiritual not just a civic club.”

“That’s bullshit,” said Barry. “Do they believe in Jesus? No! Do they accept Him as Lord and Savior? No again! Don’t give me ‘it’s a religion crap.’ They let atheists in, Jews, humanists. If people who don’t believe in God are part of your religion how can you call it a religion? Huh? Answer that smart ass, and I know it’s true because my cousin left our church and became a UU yahoo and he told everybody he lost his belief that Jesus was God and was an agnostic. So what the hell do you call that?”

Joe had had enough. He was tired of Barry and his entourage making fun of him and his new found religion. Further, to be honest, Joe didn’t really know the answer to Barry’s question anyway. Was UU really a religion? He thought so, but he couldn’t really explain it to himself, let alone to anyone else.

Joe said, “To each his own, ya know? I don’t have to explain myself to you or to anyone else. Maybe I’ll wind up rotting in hell or, I guess, it will be burning in hell according to people like you. I’ve got to go, though. There’s a meeting this afternoon over at the church and us ‘UU yahoos’ as you call  us are trying to figure out what we can do to help the environment, you know, about climate change and fracking and stuff. Maybe we just care about Mother Nature, you know. Maybe she is one of the gods that we UU yahoos care about. Whatever we decide to do we will all be better off because of it even you, Barry, and Ken and Cindy, all of us. See ya!

And Joe got up, turned, and walked away rather quickly before there could be any further rejoinders, but he heard Barry say, “Go hug a tree, Joe!” and the rest of them laughing.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves

Jesus has told us that the way to the kingdom is to “love as I have loved.” Somebody asked Mother Teresa about this imperative of Jesus’s one time saying, “Who am I to love?” Mother Teresa is reported to have said, “Whomever life puts in your path.” Pretty simple, right? Whomever life puts in your path you are to love. So I don’t get why the third principle says that we should accept and encourage to spiritual growth people in our congregations. Why not everyone in the whole wide world?

There are a couple of reasons why Unitarian Universalism is such a small religious denomination. First, people use their congregation like a social club and really don’t internalize their faith by incorporating it into practices leading to a richer interior spiritual life, and secondly, they don’t proselytize. It’s a shame really. Why would they limit themselves in their ethic of inclusivity and encouragement to spiritual growth only in their congregations and not to the world? Of course, we don’t need to wait for the leaders of the UUA or our congregation to spread the good word about the seven UU principles. We can do it ourselves person to person.

In Matthew 10 Jesus sends His apostles off two by two with nothing but their tunic and sandals and a walking stick. He tells them the people they encounter will support them and if they don’t move on. Here is what Jesus tells them in verses 5 – 20

These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: “Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. ⁶ Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.7 As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ ⁸ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,^[a] drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.

⁹ “Do not get any gold or silver or copper to take with you in your belts— ¹⁰ no bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his keep.11 Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. ¹² As you enter the home, give it your greeting. ¹³ If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.14 If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. ¹⁵ Truly I tell you, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.

¹⁶ “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. ¹⁷ Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues. ¹⁸ On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. ¹⁹ But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, ²⁰ for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

How would that work if Unitarian Universalists who were to go out and preach the seven principles to the lost sheep of America? What if UUs were to take seriously the teaching of the seven principles? What would that effort look like? Because the seven principles are so counter cultural, if they are seriously applied to daily life, UUs would probably be arrested or at least mocked, ridiculed, shunned, avoided, called unpatriotic, and perhaps killed.

An attack on Unitarian Universalists occurred in July of 2008 at the Knoxville Unitarian Universalist Church in Tennessee when a gunman went to the church and killed two members and injured seven with a sawed-off shotgun before he was restrained by church members. The gunman said he wanted to kill liberals, African-Americans, homosexuals, and democrats, and he apparently thought the local Unitarian Universalist church was a good place to start. Many UUs were spooked after that, naturally, and became warier for a while when strangers visited their churches.

Jesus said that He was sending his apostles out like sheep among wolves. He said they should be shrewd as snakes and yet innocent as doves. For people who want to pursue or are pursuing a spiritual life, it is a high road not a low road. Jesus says many are called but few are chosen.

Many jokes are made about Unitarian Universalsim and Unitarian Universalists but taken seriously, living a Unitarian Universalist life is serious business. It is not for the faint of heart but for people with great faith, conviction, and love. Not just to attend a Unitarian Universalist church, but to live a Unitarian Universalist life takes dedication, commitment, and what the third principle calls “encouragement to spiritual growth.” As the UU preachers say when they end their sermons, “May it be so.”

Can UU principles (values) enhance American culture and help us become a better people?

In chapters 7 and 8 in The Green Boat author Mary Pipher discusses the power of working with others towards a goal to overcome one’s own individual demoralization and to raise consciousness and functioning to achieve a higher quality of life for everyone on the planet and enhance the well being of Mother Nature. Pipher writes, “Healthy people build healthy communities, which create healthy cultures.” p. 140. This statement at first reading struck me as trite, and somewhat of a cliché, but then I wondered if our culture is healthy? As much as I would like to be positive and optimistic, I think American culture is not especially healthy if the norms and the mores of our American culture are compared to our Unitarian Universalist principles. The more I have tried to apply the principles in my daily life, the more it strikes me how counter cultural UU principles (sometimes I think of them as values) are.

Pipher writes “Margaret Mead wrote, ‘The ideal culture is one that finds a place for every human gift.’ I would paraphrase her and say the ideal group finds a place for every member’s gifts.” p. 156

Unitarian Universalists practice inclusivity and abhor exclusivity. The Universalist in us believes that everyone has inherent worth and dignity and will be saved. By “saved” I mean become, eventually, one with the all, a part of the At-one-ment. The path to the At-one-ment is forgiveness. Piper writes, “Out best stories were about our own inconsistencies and failings or about our emotional struggles…” p.162. Forgiveness begins with ourselves first and then we can extend it to others.

The question to be considered here is how to build a better culture? A culture is made up of values, beliefs, practices, history, traditions, preferences, and vision for a future. American culture is in rapid change and flux brought about by the digital age, the changing economy, the growing planetary population, and climate change. As human beings we have seen significant changes in the 20^th century, and they will be even greater in the 21^st century. The greatest need for change is not necessarily for new scientific knowledge and technology, but for an ethical imperative guiding us in the use of that scientific knowledge and technology for the benefit of all living things and the planet, not just for the privileged few. Pipher uses a quote from Star Trek: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” At an age of ever increasing income and wealth inequality we see this negative dynamic expanding until it will collapse probably in some kind of revolution which just began to stir with the Occupy movement after the 2008 financial crisis.

Whether American culture will collapse or slowly evolve remains to be seen. I not only have faith but certainty that Unitarian Universalist principles will provide the basis for the ethical imperative not only for UUs but for our society in the coming decades. Much work needs to be done to mine the principles for their meaning, application, and benefit as human beings and life on earth continue to evolve. You, dear reader, are an important part of that evolution. Please help spread the good words and join the effort to encourage the spiritual growth of yourself, your family, congregation, community, nation, and the world. Where to start? Forgive and love the persons who cross our path today.

Story of the day - I’d rather be used than be alone.

She was 17, a junior in high school, a mousy looking girl, kind of nerdy. She was a high honor student, and a student manager of the girls basketball team. She told me she admired the jock, prep girls and wanted to be like them but she wasn’t that well coordinated to be an athlete.

Her grades had been dropping through the spring and she became depressed. Her pediatrician put her on Prozac and said she needed counseling so she came to see me.

She said she’d been a virgin and not very popular and finally a boy took an interest in her but on the second date he told her he was breaking up with her unless she “put out”. She told me she didn’t even know at first what this meant until he was clear that he wanted sex. She said she was confused, upset, and didn’t want this first romantic relationship to end so she agreed. She lost her virginity to him on their second date, and then he promptly bragged to his friends that he had “scored” with her, and broke-up with her any way.

All his friends wanted to go out with her and after having sex with four or five guys she said she got a reputation as the junior class slut. She was devastated, became depressed, and now felt more isolated than ever.

“What do you make of all this?” I asked her.

She paused for some time and then said, “I guess I would rather be used than be alone.”

I was stunned, and for a minute at a loss for words. The silence was palpable but also soothing. I felt like I was sitting in the presence of a Buddha.

I finally said to her, “I’m amazed at your insight. You’d rather be used than be alone. I have a lot of thirty, forty, fifty year old clients that haven’t figured this out yet and you’re only 17! You are what they call an “old soul.”

She got through the school year, pulled her grades up, and while still withdrawn, the depression slowly seemed to lift and the school year ended. We didn’t meet over the summer and I assumed she was okay. Then in September she called and asked to see me again. She said she was feeling much better and told me she had asked her pediatrician if she could stop her anti-depressants and he asked her how her counseling was going. She said she told him that we hadn’t been meeting since school ended in June and the pediatrician told her to see me for a “check-up” and if I agreed that her depression had improved he would work with her to taper off the antidepressant. So she came to see me.

She looked much better, had gained a little weight, smiling, even bubbly, a changed person. I asked her, “What has happened since we last met?”

“I’m a senior this year, and things are going great. I’m managing the basketball team later this fall, and I’m working part time at McDonald’s and I’m planning on going to college next year. I’m feeling great and I want to stop the anti-depressants and my doctor told me I had to talk to you first,” she said.

“Things seem much better. Any symptoms of depression?” I asked.

“No, they've all cleared up and I feel, and am doing, better than ever,” she replied.

“Do you remember that thing we talked about last spring when you told me that you would rather be used than be alone?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure,” she said smiling.

“And what do you think now?” I asked.

“Oh, I’d rather be alone any day,” she said laughing.

“Indeed,” I said, “it is better to be alone than to be used. You go girl!”

And that was that. Obviously I have remembered her story to this day and feel graced and blessed by my encounters with a 17 year old teenage old soul.

Are there "old souls" in your congregation?

As we continue to consider the third principle of Unitarian Universalism, “acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations,” we might consider a bit more deeply what this thing about encouragement to spiritual growth entails. For the most part, it might just entail tolerance and forbearance when it comes to beliefs different from our own and simply listening and validating the person’s search for truth and meaning as is stated in UUs fourth principle.

Is this encouragement a peer to peer thing or is it also a superordinate to subordinate thing? In other words do the elders have anything valuable to share with the adults, the teens, the children? Is this encouragement to spiritual growth a transgenerational phenomena based on chronological age, life experience, or perhaps stage of faith development, using a model like Fowler’s for example, which has been achieved?

I suspect the encouragement to spiritual growth comes more from what Edwin Friedman, one of Murray Bowen’s students and colleagues, called “differentiation”. To what degree has the person become his or her own person, with a mind of his or her own, able to stand on his or her own feet, captain of his or her own ship, and master or mistress of his or her own fate? Is he or she aware of what makes him or her tick or is he or her victimized by emotional forces and beliefs that he or she is not aware of, does not comprehend? The degree of differentiation a person has achieved in his or her life is directly related to his or her mental health and level of consciousness and functioning. People who take differentiated positions and stands on their values and beliefs tend, while their positions and stands make cause conflict, to enhance the functioning and wisdom of the group. This type of “encouragement to spiritual growth” has more to do with how people participate and function in emotional systems than any kind of cognitive knowledge that gets transferred. This growth is facilitated through participation in interpersonal relationships in which there is some emotional investment where one or some people function at a higher level of consciousness and mental health than the norm for the group.

Jesus and his ministry as outlined in the New Testament is a good example of this kind of encouragement to spiritual growth where He set an example and continually said to His followers in one way or another “come follow me.” My favorite story that exemplifies this dynamic is when the rich young man comes to Jesus to ask what he must do to gain eternal life and Jesus says simply, “follow the commandments”. The rich young man replies that he already does that and feels that there is something more and Jesus says in so many words, “Well, if you are really serious about this, you should sell all your possessions, give the money to the poor, and come follow me” and the gospel says that the rich young man looked sad at this response and walked away.

Spiritual growth is not for everyone at particular times in their lives. They have been captured by materialism, what A Course In Miracles calls “special relationships”, and other worldly concerns on the ego plane which they don’t want to give up. At these times, people involved in religious activities do so for the social benefits not the spiritual, and so much time is wasted on congregational participants who aren’t really serious about developing and enriching an interior spiritual life. When it is offered, like the rich young man, they become sad and walk away.

It is important to take people where they’re at, not where we think they should be, ought to be, where we want them to be. We need to take people where they’re at. It is written in the introduction of A Course In Miracles, “This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time.”

There are some people in UU congregations who have been reflecting on, and learned from,  the curriculum they have been taking at the University of Hard Knocks. They may have obtained their Ph.Ds. There are other people who have only begun, and those who have yet to begin their studies.

Encouragement to spiritual growth requires that we take people where they are at not where we want them to be or think they should be. If we are to be of help, we need to have some sense where people are at. What are the milestones, the signs of spiritual maturity? If we can name them we can work towards them ourselves and we can assist others. What are the indicators of spiritual maturity that you find helpful in ascertaining where you, yourself, and others are at? Are there qualities, characteristics, signs that would tell us the level of spiritual maturity? Jesus tells us, “by their fruit you shall know them,” but what fruit one could ask? What kind of fruit are we looking for? Jesus says simply, “Love as I have loved.” How loving is your congregation? How is it manifested? How could your congregation increase and enhance its levels of loving? What could you do to contribute to and enhance the amount of love in your congregation? Do the elders have more love than the adults and the teens and the children? I suspect that if they have matured in the spiritual life they certainly have. In colloquial speech, we sometimes say that people have “mellowed” in their older age and yet sometimes their dysfunctional behavior deteriorates further. Chronological age has little to do with spiritual maturity. There are young people who sometimes get recognized as “old souls.” Who are the mature souls in your congregation? How do they facilitate the spiritual growth of the other congregational members?