The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty One,
Three kinds of special relationships
The first kind is characterized by dependence, the second by independence, and the third by interdependence.
Here is what Osho says about the first kind of romantic relationship: dependence.
Love can have three dimensions. One is that of dependence; that’s what happens to the majority of people. The husband is dependent on the wife, the wife is dependent on the husband; they exploit each other, they dominate each other, they possess each other, they reduce each other to a commodity. In ninety-nine percent of cases, that’s what is happening in the world. That’s why love, which can open the gates of paradise, opens only the gates of hell.
Osho. Maturity: The Responsibility of Being Oneself (Osho Insights for a New Way of Living) . St. Martin's Press. P.49
In A Course In Miracles there are two primary dynamics at work in dependent relationships: “give to get” and “one or the other.”
The first dynamic, “give to get,” is manipulative. The second dynamic is the projection of guilt. Both ego games create hell on earth.
The purpose of the dependent romantic relationship is to get someone else to make you happy. When they disappoint and fail us in our desires and expectations we get angry, defensive, resentful, full of grievance, and depressed. It can get so bad that people start to wish they were dead rather than endure any more emotional pain. Our egos are significantly wounded.
The learning that needs to take place is that it is inappropriate and unfair to place the responsibility for our happiness on other people. Ultimately, the only person that can make a person happy is themselves. It is quite a dawning when people recognize this fact and they begin to embark on a spiritual journey in search of where their true happiness lies.
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