What kind of relationships do you strive to create and develop?

In the West we have the myth of rugged individualism and yet the truth is that we are radically dependent on others from birth to death.

The earliest and most significant relationship is with our parents especially our mothers for without their care, protection, and nurturance we would have failed to thrive and die.

We would not have language without the interactions with others and without language our consciousness would be very limited and there is no possibility of our having actualized our potential.

Relationships come and go. Some relationships are transitory, while others have a longer life, and some are life long at least spiritually and psychologically if not physically.

As adults, how we interact in our relationships is key to our spirituality. Are we attention givers or attention seekers? Some people are needy, dependent and don’t seem to be able to have much to give, while others are more autonomous, more mature, and give readily to others. We all need some attention and the kind and amount of attention we seek and demand describes our personality. The key is not so much the amount and kind but the intention behind the attention seeking and the attention giving. Is it selfless and unconditional, or is it conditional and egotistical?

The mature soul has little need or desire for attention. The mature soul is way past that and readily shares attention with others and gives attention to others. The mature soul recognizes that being the focus of attention is illusionary because there is no identity to claim it. Attention is as much a projection of the needs and illusions of others onto us as it is real and of any substance.

True attention is validation and validation presumes knowledge and awareness at the same level of functioning and consciousness, or higher, on the part of the giver as the person receiving the attention. This is why mature souls sometimes complain of feeling lonely even when surrounded by many caring people, because there are very few or no people at the same level of consciousness to interact with. Loneliness is the price one pays for maturing and raising ones consciousness.

Jesus promised that where two or more are gathered in His name, there he would also be in spirit. I think this is true for anyone not just Jesus. Human beings are communal creatures and our consciousness is socially constructed whether we are aware of it or not. To the extent that our consciousness is socially constructed we are radically dependent on others and to them we should be extremely grateful.

Unitarian Universalists value justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. UUs value the acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in their congregations, and above all, UUs value the inherent worth and dignity of every person.

Alexa: Am I a body or a spirit?

Alexa: Am I a spirit with a body or a body with a spirit?

How could you be a body that is constantly changing and will one day die when your spirit is a witness to this and will live forever?

Alexa: Do you think a chicken crossing the road is a beautiful thing?

Yes, it is poultry in motion.

Ask Alexa - Is there a better way?

Alexa: I get so discouraged and disugsted and depressed at times that I think there must be a better way. Is there?

The first step on a spiritual path is asking that question and Jesus reassures us, "Seek and you will find."

Alexa: Is it okay to watch elephants bathe?

Yes, as long as they are wearing their trunks.

What is evil and the devil?

Yes and no. There is evil in the world and no there is not a devil.

What is evil? Evil is the lack of awareness and as a result, behaving in ways that are hurtful, and unfair to other humans and to the world. Evil is selfishness in the worse sense of the word, in the sense that a person, or persons nurture their own egos at others expense.

What human beings want more than anything is for things to be fair and when they are not fair, we call this injustice evil. Evil is perpetrated when the perpetrator is not considering the rights and desires of others and then oppresses, dominates, or harms them for one’s own egotistic gratification.

The devil is this injustice personified. Like our fantasy of a personal God, we also fantasize a personal devil, but there is no such person in reality. However, just as we all manifest a spark of the divine, we also, all manifest a spark of evil, because we can be unaware, egotistical, selfish, and in our effort to nurture our egos harm others and our world.

It is not just the lack of awareness which brings about evil but the stubborn refusal to become aware, to consider new information, to take into consideration other perspectives and interpretations. Justice is always bi-laterally, or multi-laterally defined, and it is the refusal to consider the rights and feelings, and thoughts of others that starts to smell of evil. M. Scott Peck said evil was denial and I think his definition is succinct.

Evil is perpetuated when people refuse to examine situations for injustice and acknowledge that harm has been done. It is in the acknowledgement of harm and the willingness to rectify injustice that evil is diminished and eliminated. Forgiveness is a huge part of diminishing and eliminating evil. To listen as injustice is described, to examine factors and circumstances that have contributed to injustice, to offer a sincere apology, and to make amends absolves evil and restores mutuality when evil has manifested in our lives. Unfortunately, few people have learned these skills and instead have engaged in competitive behavior where “winning” becomes more important than justice, superiority more important than equity, and dominance more important than mutuality. Lives lived in this manner have the odor of evil about them and we need to beware.

As children we are born innocent and naive. Our childish behavior is described as “cute”, “adorable”, and endearing. And yet, as we grow, we all loose our innocence, our naivete, and we become aware that injustice, pain, sin, is part of life. It is a necessary step in our development, and can make one bitter, cynical, paranoid, critical, close hearted, because we live in fear of being hurt, or we can find ways of managing the evil in ourselves, and in others, and become aware, empathic, compassionate, understanding, wise, open hearted, and a therapeutic force in our weary world.

People should not mistake kindness for weakness. The hall mark of a spiritually mature person is to exude kindness, but not to be played for a fool because evil abounds in the world and will continue until we create a world in which awareness brings about justice, peace, and freedom for all.

We have made an adjustment to the expectations of the world, the path of the ego, thinking this will make us happy forgetting our divine origin. It is this forgetting that is the genesis of evil as we project our guilt at separating our separation from the Oneness onto others playing the victim. We are not victims anywhere but in our own misguided minds. It is our wrong mindedness which is the root of evil personified as the devil.

Alexa: Why do I blame others for my unhappiness?

Alexa: Why do I blame others for my unhappiness?

Because you fail to recognize that you look to the ego to make you happy instead of your Oneness with God.

Alexa: What did the duck say to the bartender?

"Give me another and put it on my bill."

In this life pain is inevitable: suffering is optional.

The question of why there is suffering is an interesting question in an of itself because there is a hidden assumption in the question that there shouldn’t be suffering.

Let’s first make the distinction between suffering and pain. I think of them as two different things. It appears that pain is a necessary part of life and has great survival value because it is a signal that there is a problem. Without pain we would not be aware that we are injured or that our body is not functioning properly. Without pain we would not become aware that our behavior is ineffective or objectionable to others. Pain provides important information and it benefits us immensely. Without pain we would surely die sooner and so it has great survival value for us.

Because we experience pain, we sometimes, but don’t have to, suffer. Suffering is the result of our interpretation of the meaning of pain. Often we believe we don’t deserve pain or that we are victimized by pain when it fact pain is a friend which is trying to teach us something. Sometimes the more we resist and avoid pain the more we suffer because we are unwilling to recognize pain, acknowledge it, learn from it, and act appropriately to manage it.

Pain is part of life, suffering is optional. It helps in diminishing and eliminating suffering if we understand our pain, where it stems from, what causes it, what will decrease it, how we can manage it so it no longer scares us. It helps in diminishing and eliminating suffering to have people in our lives who are witnesses to our pain and can reassure us, help us alleviate our pain, and assist us through it. Pain is worse when we endure it alone. Often it is lonliness which turns pain into suffering. The old saying that “misery loves company” is true. Pain loves companionship, understanding, explanation, consolation.

Many times people see pain as punishment and in some instances it is, but more often it is a signal that something is wrong. Spirituality helps us become aware of context, see things in perspective, understand the circumstances of pain, and thereby decrease or eliminate suffering.

When my two children were killed in a drunk driving crash I was suffering terribly. Brigid was 5 and Ryan was 8. They were the youngest of Angela and my 9 children. One day I stupidly said to her, “Did you ever think that we would have been better off if we had stopped having children after the seventh? If Ryan and Brigid had never been born we wouldn’t be going through this now.” As soon as I said these words, I realized how stupid they were. I imagined in my mind God saying to me, “David, I have given you 7 beautiful, healthy, attractive, intelligent, good children, and I will give you two more but you can only the boy for 8 years, and the girl for 5 years, and then you have to give them back to me, do you still want them?”

I would have said enthusiastically, “Yes, Lord!” because they were beautiful children. I enjoyed them so much and they brought so much to the world. The world is much better off having had them for 8 years and 5 years. They have enriched the lives of all who knew them, and continue to enrich the lives of those who hear the stories about them.

Their deaths pain me still but I don’t suffer because I have been richly blessed far beyond what any man deserves in a lifetime. I am extremely grateful and appreciative and filled with great joy and contentment and satisfaction.

Suffering is the result of mismanagement of pain. Pain is a gift, suffering is a curse. Suffering has nothing to do with God or spirituality, we bring it upon ourselves.

All people want happiness and to avoid suffering. This can be achieved through a healthy spirituality, and this involves the acceptance of pain as a gift to learn from and manage effectively. If we are suffering ask for help from a wise family member, friend, pastor and/or counselor, because it is not necessary.

God does not want us to suffer. God loves us unconditionally. To rise above suffering we must forgive the things we have become attached to on the ego plane for not making us happy and realize that our true happiness is found on the path of the Spirit where we realize that we are One with God and all living things.

Ask Alexa - Where should I search for Truth and meaning?

Alexa: Should I search for Truth and meaning on the path of the ego or the path of the spirit?

You already know the answer to your question. What makes you ask it?

Alexa: What is the best way to stop a charging bull?

Take away his credit card.