Monday, September 4, 2017
Ask yourself, "What is the purpose of this relationship?" UUs third principle
Since our discussion about Unitarian Universalism and sex you have asked some good questions about what A Course In Miracles calls "special relationships." At 26 these are very important questions for you to be asking because our society loves to pair people off and there is pressure from family, friends and society at large to find that special someone with whom to settle down and perhaps have children with and make a family. As a species this is evolutionarily desirable because it assures the continuation of our species, homo sapiens. The problems arise when the ego wants to play games and usurp the place of God, the Spirit of Life in our lives. The ego teaches the idea of romantic love and that there is a special someone, a soul mate, who will understand you completely and be there for you always so you will never be misunderstood or lonely again. You are wise enough to understand that this is utter nonsense and impossible and some with a theological perspective might even call it idolatry because it puts love in special relationships in front of the love of God. The faith in special relationships, as you sense, is, the path to hell on earth.
For most people special relationships are imprisoning and require the individual to give up his/her freedom. In the twentieth century this was jokingly referred to as the "ole ball and chain" meaning that getting married was a life of possessiveness, restriction, and servile compliance with the desires of another. Rather than being liberating, marriage, committed relationships, were seen as enslavement.
As you seem to sense, true love is freedom and by placing yourself in bondage you separate yourself from freedom and embark on a path of misery and claustrophobia. The trick of the ego is to tell us that we have to give something to get something and the price of marital bliss is sacrifice. Sacrifice though will never make you happy but leads down a path to resentment, fear, and suffering,
The biggest lie ever told is that sex is the ultimate proof of love. The ego wants us to believe this, but all we have to do is watch pornography and we can tell this is not true. A body sexually aroused is just that and often nothing more. When we realize this, we feel betrayed and disillusioned, and depressed and sometimes suicidal because we are greatly confused about the meaning of life.
To get ourselves better oriented we should look for the divine spark in people and focus on that. Joining in mutual purpose with other human beings is great joy. When we experience this lift in our awareness and consciousness, we feel a grace and a blessing which is very liberating and brings an enhancement of hope, faith, and confidence in the goodness of Life. A good relationship is one that is turned over to the Holy Spirit for use as a schoolroom for salvation and reunion with awareness of being a part of the Godhead. Does this relationship help us become a better person and relate to the world in more beneficial and loving ways? The true test of loving relationships is peace.
Unitarian Universalism teaches all this in a deep reading of its seven principles with the first probably being the most important: the inherent worth and dignity of every person. This principle is not referring to bodies but to spirits, to souls. The best question you can ask yourself as you try to sort out your thoughts and desires about relationships is: "What is the purpose of this relationship?" Unitarian Univeralism says in its third principle that we should be focused on the encouragement of spiritual growth. The more difficult question to answer is "How do we do that?" Many ways, Lucy. Use your talents and abilities in ways you find satisfying and fulfilling and you will grow and the people you are in relationship with will benefit as well.