Rev. Galen Guengerich's sermon, "God Revised," give on January 26, 2014 at All Soul's Unitarian Church in Tulsa, OK as a guest minister

Rev. Galen Guengerich was the guest minister at All Souls Church in Tulsa Oklahoma on January 26, 2014 where he gave a 20 minutes sermon, "God Revised." Since we have and are devoting so much time to Rev. Guengerich's ideas from this book, his sermon may be of interest to you.

Story of the day - When the bliss of ignorance is over what do you do?

Mary came in to the counseling room and began the session with the statement, “I’ve been very depressed and anxious for the last few months. My doctor gave me something and told me I should talk to somebody. That’s why I called you.”

“What’s going on?” I asked as she started to weep.

She paused and shook her head slowly back and forth and held her breath for a few seconds and said, “I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “that’s why you’re here. I have several boxes of tissues in the closet if we run out of tissues in this one.”

“I think my husband is having an affair,” she blurted. “We’ve been married 18 years.”

“How long has this been going on?” I ask gently.

“Oh, a year or two,” she says somewhat sheepishly.

“A year or two,” I say evenly. “And why now are you having symptoms and seeking help?”

“Well, I don’t know for sure. We pretend that things are okay, and for the most part they are if I don’t question anything, but it got so I just couldn’t ignore it any more. If you really want to know, one of my friends saw them together at a restaurant in the next town over about two months ago and asked me about it. I was embarrassed. I didn’t know what to say. I suppose if he’s discreet, I could let it go, but when my friends know, and I pretend I don’t, I look foolish, you know, like I don’t know what’s going on in my own home, in my own marriage, and I do,  even if I would like to think that I don’t. Does that make any sense? It’s crazy isn’t it? Tell me the truth. Please! I need someone to tell me the truth, not make me believe one thing when it’s really another.”

“Oh, it seems to me that you know very well what’s going on even though you and he deny it. Knowing the truth is not the problem. It’s how are you going to handle the truth when the cat is out of the bag. That scares people. They don’t want to think about it. Us therapists talk sometimes with clients about the risk of change. People want things different. They know things can’t go on as they have been, but they are afraid of the future, of what might happen if they call a spade a spade and take the bull by the horns. Things will never be the same again, couldn’t be even if they wanted them to be, because now they know, they are aware, and they can’t go back to being ignorant again. That’s why they say ‘ignorance is bliss.’ If you didn’t really know any better it wouldn’t bother you, but when you know it is disturbing and the symptoms of depression and anxiety, or sometimes anger and irritability, emerge.”

“So what do I do?” she asked.

“I would guess you have plenty of options all with advantages and disadvantages. I might take a while to sort them out before you can decide what your best course of action will be. For today, let me just say to you. ‘You’re not crazy. Your fears and confusion and embarrassment are not crazy. It’s normal to feel this way when disillusionment sets in and it is becoming clearer and clearer to you that you don’t have the marriage that you thought you had or you wanted. And so there is a big loss no matter what happens next. But you’re okay. You’re not nuts. You’ll figure out what’s in your longer term best interest, I’m confident. Our time for today is almost up. Is there anything else you wanted to cover in our first session? Anything in particular you wanted to walk out the door with?”

“I feel better just getting this off my chest and having someone I can talk to honestly about it. Can I see you again?” she said.

“That’s a great idea. When would be a good time for you?”

Ignorance is bliss, and awareness is the grace of God

Mary Pipher tells an endearing story in the fourth chapter of her book the Green Boat about her granddaughter, Kate. “I asked, ‘Kate, you are the big sister and the oldest. Why can’t you be as brave as your sister and brother?’ She wailed, ‘Nonna, they are little. They don’t know enough to be scared.’” P.73-74 And there in is the rub as they say. Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge in the short term can sometimes be a curse because our inappropriate sense of security and comfort is disturbed.

Social Activist Mother Jones is reported to have said one time, “My business is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” And the question when it comes to climate change is how to do both. 

Those greatly distressed, depressed, pessimistic, filled with a sense of impending doom need understanding and then comforting by standing in solidarity not with their dysphoria but with their knowledge of what is happening on our planet. Human consciousness and science at this point is to be celebrated for it is a great blessing which gives us the evolutionary advantage of being able to influence the life of the planet. We become aware that we, human beings, are not just pawns and victims in God’s creation but co-creators who have the power to influence our own evolution.

Pipher recommends transcendence as the means of comforting the afflicted in the sense of rising above and moving towards wholeness or what Unitarian Univeralists call in their seventh principle, the interdependent web of all existence. It is a comfort to know we are not in this climate change thing alone but have the company of all other living creatures and with a healthy respect we can, as Pipher puts it, revive ourselves in our capsized culture.

Unitarain Univeralists who are not just church goers but people who have made the faith a way of life are in an especially positive position to not only save themselves, but others, and the planet, based on the values articulated in the seven principles. Unitarian Universalist values while counter cultural in the United States provide a travel plan as it were to get from our current state of affairs to a more desirable society and planet in the future.

Different Unitarian Univeralist thinkers advocate for different virtues as a basis for an ethical imperative for Unitarian Universalism. Rev. Galen Guengerich advocates for gratitude as being the basis, while Rev. James Ford advocates for the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and respect for the interdependent web. As a student of A Course In Miracles, I advocate for forgiveness as the basis of an ethical imperative for until we can acknowledge the brokenness and suffering of human beings and animals we can’t be grateful, or respectful or see the goodness in other beings.

There are many things that can provide solace in the face of  a sense of impending doom,  and while there are no silver bullets or magic keys, probably one of the most important antidotes to depression and despair is forgiveness, first for ourselves and then for others who have offended and hurt us. As the palliative care physician Ira Byrock has written, the four most important things that need to be said to a dying person are: I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you. Good bye. I love you.

Ignorance can be bliss but sometimes short lived, and while awareness can be disturbing it usually is the grace of God afflicting us when we are too comfortable letting us know that God needs us to get to work.

God Revised, revised: the conversation continues - Reflection #1

Story of the day - Amazing grace to comfort the distressed

It was Mother's Day and I wanted to take her out and do something special, but she said she didn't want to, she was going to the hospital to see Clare, a quirky, eccentric friend of hers, who was dying of a brain tumor. Reluctantly, I agreed, because I was aware that Clare was at the end of her life and wasn't likely to live much longer.

So with anxiety I went with her, my wife at the time, knowing it was the right thing, but still resenting that we couldn't celebrate her mothering of our children.

When we arrived, Clare was in agony and my wife was upset that Clare wasn't getting more medication to control her pain. She left me alone at Clare's beside while she went to the nurse's station to inquire about what could be done to help Clare.

I, left alone, moved to take her place at Clare's bedside and tentatively took Clare's hand, and with a grimace and tears Clare said to me, "David, I'm so afraid. I'm afraid to die." I had no idea what to say, what to do, how do you encourage someone who is dying and afraid of it?

I heard myself say, "Clare, it's okay to be afraid. It's alright. It's fine." I thought to myself, That's the dumbest, stupidest thing to say. Is that all you've got? Jesus!

Clare, though, sighed, and relaxed, and settled down.

The nurse came in with my wife and some medication, took a look at Clare, and said, "She seems to be resting comfortably, now. I am not sure she needs this."

My wife looked at Clare and then at me and had a quizzical look in her eyes that seemed to say, "What have you done to soothe her?"

I had no idea and didn't know what to say if she actually asked me that question. But in fact, Clare was now resting comfortably.

This event happened 30 years ago and I still puzzle over it and marvel at how God sometimes works through us in strange ways when we least expect it, least feel capable of it, and yet turning it over to the Holy Spirit we become a conduit for a grace that we, personally, can't even fathom.

To apply the third principle takes courage, discipline, and patience

Carolyn Owen-Towle writes in her chapter on the third principle in the book, With Purpose and Principle:

“The word ‘encourage’ literally means to put courage or heart into another. All of us need reassuring as we face the travails of life. Sometimes that lift comes in the form of a hug or supportive comment. It might be heard in a sermon, a piece of music, or a poem. At other times it comes as a nudge to get going, to turn around, or to buck up. Whatever it is, when it comes from someone with whom we share a common quest for spiritual growth, it helps.” P.50

Owen-Towle writes a bit further:

“How am I to encourage others? What have I got to share? Think of yourself as a mirror reflecting someone’s image back to them. What do you see in them that you can affirm? Look again. It may not be apparent at first. When you notice a strength, an accomplishment, an insight – tell them, as accurately as you can. That way they will know you are being authentic, and they can accept what you have given them. We cannot run around encouraging people all the time. But neither should we miss an opportunity when we see it.” P.50

When a person reaches the 5^th and certainly the 6^th stage of faith development, he or she realizes that we are all one and that what one does for a brother or a sister one does for oneself. It is like singing in a chorus or telling a joke, our joy is magnified when we resonate with another. Scientific studies have shown that acts as simple as holding a person’s hand on a hospital visit promotes and enhances healing and recovery. Encouragement can be as simple as listening and paying attention with undivided focus to another person if they desire that kind of attention.

One of the definitions of love that I have become aware of as a psychotherapist, and a human being, is to care as much about another person’s growth and development as you do your own. This caring requires that you understand the other person’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations as well as his or her talents, abilities, and preferences. It also requires an awareness of the person’s deficits, problems, stressors, and discouragements.

To be a good encourager we need to be a non-anxious presence in the face of other people’s pain and suffering. This takes a tremendous amount of courage, discipline, and patience. A willingness to “be there” for another person especially in times of difficulty and suffering  is one of the most important ministries a member of a congregation can engage in in their church as well as in their life.

Applying the third principle of acceptance and encouragement is not Pollyannaish psychobabble, but the guts of Unitarian Universalist faith and practice as we work towards the At-one-ment when everybody loves everybody all the time.

Legal and ethical can be two different things

Last month, July, 2014, the theme of the month was the second principle of Unitarian Universalism, "justice, equity, and compassion" and some of the articles dealt with the distinction between justice and equity. They are not always the same thing.

Tonight, Sunday, August 10, 2014, I did two important things among many: finished the draft of the book, "Justice, Equity, and Compassion In Human Relations: The Second Principle of Unitarian Universalism" which consists of 11 reflections on the second principle with discussion questions for personal consideration or group discussion. PDF copies are available free now to anyone who requests one by sending me an email at davidgmarkham@gmail.com, and soft paper back copies will be available in a week at Amazon.com for $9.95.

The second thing I did was watch The Company Men on streaming Netflix starring Ben Affeck, Tommy Lee Jones, and Chris Cooper and there is a great scene where the Tommy Lee Jones character, Gene McClary, confronts the human resources staff and attorneys about the proposed lay offs making a distinction about "legal" and "ethical".