Truth and meaning come from a sense of purpose. UUs fourth principle

George, as you know from our previous conversations, there are many ways of looking at things. Multi-dimensional is the term we have used. Of course, when we conceptualize and analyze things based on a multi-dimensional model, it complicates things and people are easily overwhelmed. Therefore in this conversation let's keep things simple.

The fourth principle of Unitarian Univeralism is to affirm and promote the free and responsible search for truth and meaning and you asked me, George, how a person is supposed to live his life based on this principle. The best answer I can give you is to ask yourself when you wonder what the best decision is to make is, "What do I want to have happen?" In other words, what is the purpose? What is the purpose of this relationship, of this action, of this situation? What is the goal you want to achieve? Once you are clear about your goal, then you can ask yourself, "How can I best make this happen? What will it take?" These two questions, George will provide you with meaning.

Then after you have clarified what you want to have happen and how you want to accomplish that then you can ask yourself how your efforts are working for you. That evaluation provides you with the truth of the situation, action, intent.

People, George, are often confused because they are seeking pleasure, or relief from stress and anxiety, and they behave in ways that leave them feeling like victims being battered and controlled by circumstances not of their choosing. If they were to step back, get things into perspective, and ask themselves, "What do I want to have happen here? What is the purpose of this situation/ relationship?" they will have entered into a mindful state which is conducive to creating an experience of peace, and peace is the litmus test for achieving truth and meaning.

I like the bumper sticker which says, "Change is inevitable. Progress is optional." What we UUs are striving for by the implementation of our fourth principle, George, is progress, progress towards the betterment of humankind and the world.

The purpose, by the way, of our relationship is to help each other grow in understanding and wisdom and I like the way it is working and it gives me a great sense of well being and peace. Many thanks for participating in these conversations with me.

Love,

Uncle David

Holy relationships and the first principle of UU

Allen, you asked about your marriage and you said you were feeling very confused. You told me that part of the time you love Allison dearly more than anything and at other times you can't continue the relationship and just want to leave. We laughed about your feelings about the relationship being a real roller coaster ride.

Most relationships whether we recognize it or not are based on a "give to get" model. We give something, sacrifice, in order to get something, reciprocation. Unconsciously we feel guilty about this manipulation, and we hate ourselves for exploiting the relationship with the other. Further, we become resentful when we don't get what we believe we are now owed because of the sacrifices we have made, and so we attack the other for faults we attribute to what we believe they have done or not done to us based on our deal. As you have felt, Allen, this dynamic is insane and is doomed to failure because of it is built on the premise of the ego which is the "give to get" model.

The opposite model for relationships is the Holy relationship which is based on unconditional love. We turn our relationship over to the Spirit of Life and seek interior guidance based on faith in the goodness of the universe that the relationship can be transformed to a Holy one. The ability to do this is based on the implementation of Unitarian Universalist principle of affirming and promoting the inherent worth and dignity of every person. We focus on the divine spark in the person and forgive the rest of the drama. A sense of peace fills us when we can "turn it over to our Higher Power."

Allen, I don't mean to imply that this turning over of our relationships from "give to get" to unconditional love is easy. It takes repeated intentional efforts over a period of time sometimes. It is not a light switch we can just turn on and off, but rather a process which we have to patiently persist in implementing. However in the long run we become aware of increased happiness which is our natural inheritance from our creator.

I sometimes ask people when they say they "love" another person what they mean by that and people are hard pressed to describe this thing they are calling "love". "Love" is a word too easily used without much thought. I had somebody tell me yesterday how much he loved me because he was upset and wanted attention and support from me. Telling someone that you "love" them often is a manipulation wanting reciprocation of some sort. This interaction is, of course, not love at all but exploitation. When we are told we are "loved" by another in this way we often feel unnerved, anxious, maybe somewhat annoyed and we want to get away from the person. It is at this point that we can ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and with this intention lean into the relationship a bit by giving our attention to the other person nonjudgmentally for a brief period and see what happens.

Allen, some people enjoy riding roller coasters and some don't. Even those that do wouldn't want to ride them everyday. It seems that you are not enjoying your roller coaster ride and want to get off. You can't get off in the middle of the ride. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and allow the roller coaster to come safely to the end of the ride and then approach any future roller coaster riding with a peaceful frame of mind recognizing that you are not in charge, and are willing to have the experience transformed into an experience of flow.

It remains to be seen what will happen with your relationship with Allison. If you decide to love the relationship with her unconditionally you will be well in any event. Your loving the relationship with Allison unconditionally does not depend on what she does only on what you do. You have no control over her only over yourself. How you proceed in your relationship with Allison is up to you and God. If you are are willing for God's will to be done and not your own you will be on solid ground to proceed.

Sincerely,

David

UU and heaven on earth

Steve, the Dali Lama said one time that the purpose of life is happiness. All human beings want to be happy. And you asked, "What will make me happy?" Your question is, of course, the logical follow-up question and a question the philosophers have been discussing for millennia, and recently the positive psychologists have joined the conversation and have been adding their research findings to our base of knowledge. There also is a growing spiritual awareness coming from Ken Wilbur, A Course In Miracles, Osho, Matthew Fox, the Buddhists, Sufi's, and a resurgent interest in Native American earth centered spiritualities. The marketing and popularizing of these ways of looking at the world can be very attractive, seductive, interesting, and enjoyable. Have you noticed how "mindfulness" is now all the rage and is applied to everything from mindful walking to mindful eating to mindful elimination? As you mentioned to me, most of this is nonsense even if it is an attempt to move ourselves in a more positive direction towards what A Course In Miracles calls the Atonement.

The essential question is whether anything on the ego plane can ever truly make us happy or should we focus instead on the spiritual plane which involves the Love of the transcendent and our brothers and sisters as one? We have tasted the divine ecstasy of well being when we have entered what the psychologists call a "flow state." The flow state is when we become one with the all and lose track of time and awareness of ourselves as separate from things. People achieve flow sometimes doing exercise, or listening to music, and becoming enthralled in whatever activity we deeply enjoy and are focused on. This transcendent state is called in A Course In Miracles, the "Holy Instant." It is written in A Course Of Miracles, "The holy instant is a miniature of Heaven, sent you from Heaven."

Unitarian Universalism has little to say about our choice between two worlds: the world of the ego, and the world of the Love of Creation although it does hold dear, in covenantal relationships with others, the seventh principle of respect for the interdependent web of all existence. It is odd that the wording of the principle states "respect" for the interdependent web instead of the "love" of the interdependent web. Respect implies a standing apart rather than a joining with although the full wording of the principle is "respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part."

So Steve it would seem that what will make us truly happy is a joining the Love of Creation by extending ourselves to our brothers and sisters with the intention of achieving the At-One-Ment which I have defined as when everybody loves everybody all the time. You asked me whether I thought this was really possible and I told you "absolutely." Of course, this is a statement of faith and hope, yet also one based on the experience of flow. Our Universalist tradition inspires me in this faith. If is what sets us apart as UUs from other religious systems of belief and it is the part of our faith which we must preach more fervently if we are to learn it better and more deeply ourselves.

May you enhance your happiness by extending Creations' love to all our brothers and sisters and being mindful and grateful for your experience of flow. Flow is a taste of heaven on earth.

Love,

David

Thank you Gov. Cuomo for leading the way on immigration reform!

Fellow New Yorker,  Earlier today, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced that the Trump Administration will end the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) policy. Ending this policy represents an assault on the value of diversity that built this state and this nation. The President's action will destroy the lives of hundreds of thousands of young Dreamers who know only America as their home, including 42,000 New Yorkers. It will rip families apart, sow havoc in our communities and force innocent people—our neighbors, our friends, and our relatives—to live in fear. We should not and cannot sit on the sidelines and watch the lives of these young people be ruined. Today, I am calling on Congress to do what they should have done years ago—pass the DREAM Act. Tell Congress to pass the DREAM Act now.

SIGN THE PETITION

New Yorkers know that we are a nation of immigrants. If there is a move to deport immigrants, then I say start with me. I come from a family of immigrants who came to this country without jobs, without money, without resources—seeking only the promise of America embodied by the Lady of the Harbor. Tell Congress to do the right thing and pass the DREAM Act and protect 800,000 Dreamers across the country from deportation. New York State has and will continue to raise the torch of hope and opportunity. We open our arms to all who want to join our community. Ever Upward, Governor Andrew M. Cuomo

Film recommendation: "A Most Violent Year"

UUAWOL will be more regularly posting movie and book reviews about movies and books that have something significant, uplifting, inspirational, and informative to teach us about the human condition.
One such movie is A Most Violent Year but the film's title is misleading, because this film is not about violence but about moral rectitude.

The main character, Abel Morales, says at the end of the film, sounding like a Buddhist which he probably does not identify with or even know anything about, " You should know that I have always taken the path that is most right. The result is never in question for me. Just what path do you take to get there, and there is always one that is most right. And that is what this is."

The UU principle this film best exemplifies is the second, "Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations." This film might lead to a good discussion afterwards about UU principles.

I give A Most Violent Year a 4 on the UUAWOL 5 point scale. For more click here.

If you have recommendations and/or reviews of films and books, please send them to me at davidgmarkham@gmail.com or leave the suggestions in the comments below.

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Could forgiveness be a practice in Unitarian Universalism to bring us to Love?

George you asked me what my most important spiritual practice is and I told you forgiveness. You asked me how that practice is engaged in. This is an excellent question and worth exploring because forgiveness is both the easiest thing in the world and the most difficult.

Forgiveness is difficult because our ego wants to hold on to resentments, grudges, and grievances because these negative feelings makes us feel more powerful, confident, and justified. Also, our grievances are embedded in our fears of being hurt again and still feeling wounded from past hurts. The ego thinks the way to rectify injustice and hurt is vengeance. As Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye makes us both blind."

There also is a misguided belief that vengeance is a deterrent to others committing future injustices. However, psychological and sociological research has demonstrated repeatedly that threats of vengeance do not deter the commitment of future injustice but seem to increase it. The explanation of this phenomenon can be based on the idea of separation in A Course In Miracles. Vengeance, engaged in or threatened increases separation and decreases the union of the Sons of God with each other and with their Creator. Perceiving the perpetrator as "the other" " and "not like us" makes it easier to engage in violent thoughts, words, and behavior.

What repairs separation and restores relationship and reunion is forgiveness. These principles are the basis of a model of conflict and criminal justice resolution called restorative justice. Restorative justice is another topic for another time so let is suffice for this letter to continue to focus on the idea of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the letting go of the negative hurts of the past which are no longer present in the now except in our fantasies. These fantasies are comprised of what evil we think has been done to us. Our thoughts about this evil is based on our fears and these are based on fears for the body because nothing can harm our spirit without our cooperation and acceptance of the false belief in our spiritual harm. Who can harm us spiritually unless we believe this can be done? Jesus, as he is being executed, says, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." It's as if Jesus is laughing at the absurdity of the idea that his executioners could rid the world of His ideas and love by killing His body. Didn't work, did it, George? Jesus' love and ideas are still here over 2000 years later. The attempt of evil to extinguish Jesus's love of God and us, His brothers and sisters, didn't work. What do you make of that? Seems miraculous doesn't it?

Forgiveness, George, is simply the rising above the physical, ego plain, and deciding to focus on the here and now reality of the spiritual plain which is the dimension of life which entails God's love and the union of the Sons and Daughters of the Spirit of Life. Where would you rather dwell, George, in the land of anguish, suffering, and victimhood, or the land of peace, contentment, joy and beloved son or daughter of creation?

The most important part of the practice of forgiveness George is to, as they say in AA, turn it over to your Higher Power, whatever you conceive your Higher Power to be. The other saying I like from AA is "Let go and let God." If Jesus can say as they are killing Him, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do," why can't we do the same thing?

Forgiveness, as a spiritual practice, is just that, "a practice." We have to practice forgiveness. Some days we do better at it than others, but the key is patience and persistence. It usually takes repeated attempts to rise above past hurts and injustice and to focus in the here and now.

It is a disappointment that Unitarian Universalism does not articulate a practice of forgiveness more explicitly like other religions do. UU does not have rituals of confession, repentance, exoneration, and redemption and we are the poorer for it. Historically, especially in the Universalist tradition, there was a belief in the unconditional love of the creator and being loved unconditionally why would forgiveness even be necessary since sin is not seen as real or having a significance for eternal well being.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

Bottom line, George, is to strive to live in the light, and to do that we must tune into Creations love for us so we can extend it to others. As UUs we covenant together to promote and affirm the goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. I think for UUs and others to practice this principle we must learn how to love and this requires the removal of the barriers and obstacles to our awareness of Love's presence and that removal is best accomplished through forgiveness.

Love,

Uncle David