Why do you or don't you go to church?

Celebrate the ties that unite us is a sermon preached at All Soul's in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on Sunday, 09/17/17. It is a wonderful sermon that all UUs and many others not UU can benefit from.

Why do you go to church or not go to church?

Radical hospitality

Went to church today, Sunday, 09/18/17. First time this new church year. The theme this month is "radical hospitality." The sermon was mush. Preacher seemed to miss the point. Didn't get what I wanted so I thought I would write my own sermon.

What is "radical hospitality?" Bottom line: it is hosting and welcoming people you don't like, people you find repugnant, people who scare you. It is easy to be nice and welcoming and host to people you like or aspire to ingratiate yourself with. That's mostly what passes for hospitality in churches looking to add to its membership. How about hosting and welcoming people your are afraid of and/or don't like? Now that's radical. It's based on our UU first principle.

Somebody asked Mother Teresa one time, "Mother, Jesus said that the way to the kingdom is to love as I have loved. Who should I love?" Mother Teresa said, "Whomever life puts in your path." And we can add, even if they scare you or you don't like them.

That's the hard teaching I wanted to hear and didn't. So I preach to myself and ask God for the courage and strength to be kind to the people who scare me.

Amen. May it be so.

In times of tragedy from whence comes Grace?

During September, 2017 we continue our discussion of the UUAWOL fiction book for the month which is Dave Eggers' novel, Heroes Of The Frontier. Heroes Of The Frontier doesn't have much of a plot and it not being plot driven so some readers might find it boring but it is rich in character and observations of the human condition. For example, Eggers writes about Samantha, Josie's foster sister, "But Sam had always been flippant about any loss, any tragedy. She felt it her right, as a survivor of a broken personal world." p.136. I know people like this and feel and act this way myself at times. I sometimes feel exasperated with people when I'm not all that empathic and want to say to them, "Look, you need to get over yourself. This shit that has happened to you is really not all that important in the big scheme of things."

Our Unitarian Universalist faith teaches us, though, that every person is important and has inherent worth and dignity and that we should treat each other with compassion. Well when you have been wounded yourself, or worse yet, traumatized, this kind of empathy is extremely difficult if not impossible without the intervention of some kind of grace.

Those of us, who have resolved our trauma and learned from it, are especially called upon to minister to those who are still hurting. To be flippant and dismissive is to protect ourselves from having our wounds re-opened. It is important for us in our ministry to tune into where people hurt and at the very least do no further damage. The intervention of grace referred to above comes from the covenant we make with each other to promote and affirm the faith we have placed in our seven principles. The covenant is a source of grace. The more the merrier. Many hands make light work.

Pax vobiscum

Dear Lucy:

One of the things I miss the most about my Catholic days is the saying "Pax vobiscum" which is Latin, of course, for "Peace be with you," and the response is "Et tu spiritu tuo." "And may the spirit be with you also."

The truth is that the Peace of God is always with us yet we are distracted, pre-occupied, and lose our faith in it. Nowadays, there is a greater awareness that the Peace of God dwells within and among us and we can tune into it if we are mindful and so mindfulness has become increasingly popular.

What mindful practices do you find helpful, Lucy?

I find myself, increasingly, turning off the radio when I am driving in the car, and avoiding my screens just so I can quiet all the chatter which runs in my mind like the hamster in the wheel. I just watch and allow myself to laugh at the nonsense that I have allowed to take over my awareness.

I am reminded of my niece who would get anxious and upset in third grade and her teacher would tell her to take a "chill pill." We used to joke about what her "chill pill" consisted of and even make up a little recipe book for what kinds of coping tactics made up her "chill pill". We discovered in doing this project that she had more than one type of "chill pill." Chill pills are good tools for restoring our faith and experience of Peace.

Pax vobiscum,

David

Oh ye of little faith and the UU sixth principle.

Kevin, you asked about the goodness of God and that, because of what has happened in your life, you have given up your faith.

Happens a lot. People get mad at God for the stuff that happens.

Got to blame somebody. God becomes the punching bag, the whipping post, the scapegoat.

Don't worry. God has big shoulders. He just laughs at the absurdity of your blaming Him for stuff we humans do or nature does.

The bigger problem is not the stuff that happened or is happening, but your faithlessness.

Faithlessness is generated by misunderstanding the spiritual plane and the workings of the real world as compared to the drama of our ego plane.

The thing to remember is that God, Love, is always there for us beneath the drama but the drama blocks our awareness of Love's presence. We get caught up in, and sometimes overwhelmed by, the drama.

The bumper sticker reads, "Shit happens," and I always like the old saying that "There's always something."

Indeed there is. No reason to give up your faith. Give up, instead, your belief that God is a puppeteer and micromanages our nonsense. Stay focused, if you can, on our UU 6th prinicple which is the goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. In is in this principle that we can put our faith in even though, at times, the achievement and existence of this seems impossible.

As we said to one another in the 60s, "Keep the faith!"

Sincerely,

David

Truth and meaning come from a sense of purpose. UUs fourth principle

George, as you know from our previous conversations, there are many ways of looking at things. Multi-dimensional is the term we have used. Of course, when we conceptualize and analyze things based on a multi-dimensional model, it complicates things and people are easily overwhelmed. Therefore in this conversation let's keep things simple.

The fourth principle of Unitarian Univeralism is to affirm and promote the free and responsible search for truth and meaning and you asked me, George, how a person is supposed to live his life based on this principle. The best answer I can give you is to ask yourself when you wonder what the best decision is to make is, "What do I want to have happen?" In other words, what is the purpose? What is the purpose of this relationship, of this action, of this situation? What is the goal you want to achieve? Once you are clear about your goal, then you can ask yourself, "How can I best make this happen? What will it take?" These two questions, George will provide you with meaning.

Then after you have clarified what you want to have happen and how you want to accomplish that then you can ask yourself how your efforts are working for you. That evaluation provides you with the truth of the situation, action, intent.

People, George, are often confused because they are seeking pleasure, or relief from stress and anxiety, and they behave in ways that leave them feeling like victims being battered and controlled by circumstances not of their choosing. If they were to step back, get things into perspective, and ask themselves, "What do I want to have happen here? What is the purpose of this situation/ relationship?" they will have entered into a mindful state which is conducive to creating an experience of peace, and peace is the litmus test for achieving truth and meaning.

I like the bumper sticker which says, "Change is inevitable. Progress is optional." What we UUs are striving for by the implementation of our fourth principle, George, is progress, progress towards the betterment of humankind and the world.

The purpose, by the way, of our relationship is to help each other grow in understanding and wisdom and I like the way it is working and it gives me a great sense of well being and peace. Many thanks for participating in these conversations with me.

Love,

Uncle David

Holy relationships and the first principle of UU

Allen, you asked about your marriage and you said you were feeling very confused. You told me that part of the time you love Allison dearly more than anything and at other times you can't continue the relationship and just want to leave. We laughed about your feelings about the relationship being a real roller coaster ride.

Most relationships whether we recognize it or not are based on a "give to get" model. We give something, sacrifice, in order to get something, reciprocation. Unconsciously we feel guilty about this manipulation, and we hate ourselves for exploiting the relationship with the other. Further, we become resentful when we don't get what we believe we are now owed because of the sacrifices we have made, and so we attack the other for faults we attribute to what we believe they have done or not done to us based on our deal. As you have felt, Allen, this dynamic is insane and is doomed to failure because of it is built on the premise of the ego which is the "give to get" model.

The opposite model for relationships is the Holy relationship which is based on unconditional love. We turn our relationship over to the Spirit of Life and seek interior guidance based on faith in the goodness of the universe that the relationship can be transformed to a Holy one. The ability to do this is based on the implementation of Unitarian Universalist principle of affirming and promoting the inherent worth and dignity of every person. We focus on the divine spark in the person and forgive the rest of the drama. A sense of peace fills us when we can "turn it over to our Higher Power."

Allen, I don't mean to imply that this turning over of our relationships from "give to get" to unconditional love is easy. It takes repeated intentional efforts over a period of time sometimes. It is not a light switch we can just turn on and off, but rather a process which we have to patiently persist in implementing. However in the long run we become aware of increased happiness which is our natural inheritance from our creator.

I sometimes ask people when they say they "love" another person what they mean by that and people are hard pressed to describe this thing they are calling "love". "Love" is a word too easily used without much thought. I had somebody tell me yesterday how much he loved me because he was upset and wanted attention and support from me. Telling someone that you "love" them often is a manipulation wanting reciprocation of some sort. This interaction is, of course, not love at all but exploitation. When we are told we are "loved" by another in this way we often feel unnerved, anxious, maybe somewhat annoyed and we want to get away from the person. It is at this point that we can ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and with this intention lean into the relationship a bit by giving our attention to the other person nonjudgmentally for a brief period and see what happens.

Allen, some people enjoy riding roller coasters and some don't. Even those that do wouldn't want to ride them everyday. It seems that you are not enjoying your roller coaster ride and want to get off. You can't get off in the middle of the ride. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and allow the roller coaster to come safely to the end of the ride and then approach any future roller coaster riding with a peaceful frame of mind recognizing that you are not in charge, and are willing to have the experience transformed into an experience of flow.

It remains to be seen what will happen with your relationship with Allison. If you decide to love the relationship with her unconditionally you will be well in any event. Your loving the relationship with Allison unconditionally does not depend on what she does only on what you do. You have no control over her only over yourself. How you proceed in your relationship with Allison is up to you and God. If you are are willing for God's will to be done and not your own you will be on solid ground to proceed.

Sincerely,

David