The Moral Unitarian Univeralist - Cardinal sin ten: taking the world of the ego seriously

Cardinal sin ten - taking the world of the ego seriously

The mission of UU A Way Of Life is to improve spiritual health, reduce immoral and sinful behavior, and work across systems for positive societal change. This article is another in  a series of articles on reducing immoral and sinful behavior. “Sinful” in the context of the UU A Way Of Life mission statement is defined as mistaken. The mission statement could read, “reducing immoral and mistaken behavior” but the mistakes being referred to are ones that cause spiritual injury and so we use the word “sinful.”.

The tenth component of spiritual health is laughter, What is the opposite of laughter? It is being judgmental, too serious, rigid, obsessive, exuding contempt and disdain stemming from a place of arrogance, pride, and superiority.

When people are stressed and taking things too seriously, it might be suggested that they lighten up. There is relief in recognizing and acknowledging the paradoxical nature of things, the inherent contradictions and absurdity of the beliefs of the ego.

We learn in the Tao Te Ching about the dichotomous mind that learns about the ego world from comparisons, contrast, division, and separation and yet the yin and yang make up the whole. It is seeing the whole and the mistake of taking the yin or yang as serious that is funny.

It is important to laugh with people and not at people. Laughter which is sarcastic and communicates contempt and disdain is not funny but a veiled form of attack. When a person objects to teasing or joking as being hurtful, to excuse one’s attack by saying, “What’s the matter? Can’t you take a joke?” is not the kind of humor and laughter that is being described here.

Laughter, like choral music, is to be shared and enjoyed together. This kind of laughter and humor is a form of joining and alliance with others. It is a mutual recognition and acknowledgment of the absurdity, and silliness of the world of the ego. Holy laughter is a form of love. Laughter at the expense of another communicating contempt and disdain and superiority and judgment is an attack that can break someone’s heart and spirit.

A good sense of humor is endearing. A bad sense of humor is a sin in two ways. First it is a hurtful attack, and second the attack is hidden in such a way that if the victim objects, the victim is further victimized by being belittled and criticized for their objection as if there is something wrong with them for objecting.

I imagine Jesus laughing when, hanging on the cross, he says “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they didn’t. And we are still talking about this over 2,000 years later. It is funny that the Romans thought they could get rid of Jesus, a perceived trouble maker, by killing His body. Little did they know that His Spirit would influence humankind for millenia.

We have an expression, “You can either laugh or cry,” or perhaps a little of both. While we are hurt and sad when our ego is attacked and injured, there is part of us, in our Spirit, that knows we, as the beloved creations of God, are invincible and so the whole tragic drama becomes a comedy.

What do we put our faith in? Do we put our faith in the seriousness of the ego or the lightness of the Spirit which sees through the whole joke of the ego world?

The Moral Unitarian Univeralist - Cardinal Sin nine - being fake and phoney

Cardinal sin nine - being fake and phoney

The mission of UU A Way Of Life is to improve spiritual health, reduce immoral and sinful behavior, and work across systems for positive societal change. This article is another in  a series of articles on reducing immoral and sinful behavior. “Sinful” in the context of the UU A Way Of Life mission statement is defined as mistaken. The mission statement could read, “reducing immoral and mistaken behavior” but the mistakes being referred to are ones that cause spiritual injury and so we use the word “sinful.”.

The ninth component of spiritual health is authenticity. What is the opposite of authenticity? It is being phoney and fake..Phoney and fake is creating, developing, and projecting a false self. It is pretentiousness. People often come to believe that their false self is real. They are so immersed in their inauthenticity that they lose touch with who they really are. They have forgotten the ground of their being. They think they are the authors of their own existence. This mistake often leads to alienation and despair.

When a person enhances and/or defends their ego, they create a hell on earth. When we pray in the great Christian prayer, the Our Father, “and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” we are expressing an intention not to continue on the path of the ego but to redirect ourselves on the path of the Spirit.

The biggest sins of phoniness and fakeness is the worship of false idols. We believe that money, power, status, prestige, romantic relationships, the acquisition of things material and immaterial will make us happy. We say things like, “I could be happy if only I won the lottery.” “I could be happy if only I could get that job, take that trip, buy that house, marry that person.” None of this, of course, is true, but we come to believe it especially in our capitalistic, materialistic society which conditions us constantly with advertisements, social messaging, and peer pressure (keeping up with the Jones) to seek these things by competing with others for what are believed to be scarce resources for happiness.

Holden Caulfiend, in J.D. Salinger’s classic novel of adolescent angst, Catcher In The Rye, called this social conditioning “the big lie.”

The three major existential questions which we all contend with throughout our lives are: Why was I born? What is the purpose of my life? What happens when I die? We can attempt to answer these questions pursuing the path of the ego or the path of the Spirit. In Unitarian Universalism people covenant together to affirm and promote the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. This search, if it is to be successful, takes us into the authentic, the genuine, the real, and away from the fake, the phoney, the counterfeit, the pseudo.

To achieve an authentic, genuine, honest life of integrity, we must be willing to regularly examine our lives and consciences. This is best done daily with further reviews weekly, monthly, and annually. The major questions are “Have I been true to myself?” “Am I becoming the person that I believe deep down in my heart, God created me to become?” “Am I doing with my life what I believe deep down in my heart, God is calling me to do?” It helps to do these reviews and questions with a trusted other. It can be a life partner, a good friend, a spiritual director, a therapist, a group of committed participants.

We can put our faith in the ways and promises of the world of the ego, or in discerning what we believe is Life’s will for us in the world of the Spirit. We have multiple opportunities to make this choice. When we choose to discern Life’s will for us, we have kept the faith.

The Moral Unitarian Univeralist - Cardinal sin eight - blaming and victimhood

The mission of UU A Way Of Life is to improve spiritual health, reduce immoral and sinful behavior, and work across systems for positive societal change. This article is another in  a series of articles on reducing immoral and sinful behavior. “Sinful” in the context of the UU A Way Of Life mission statement is defined as mistaken. The mission statement could read, “reducing immoral and mistaken behavior” but the mistakes being referred to are ones that cause spiritual injury and so we use the word “sinful.”.

The eighth  component of spiritual health is self efficacy. What is the opposite of self -efficacy? It is playing the victim. It is blaming others and failing to take responsibility for oneself. It is denial that one always has a choice between walking the path of the ego or the path of the spirit.

The existential problem of human beings is guilt. We love to play “one or the other” and “it’s you not me.” We love to play the victim and blame others and in doing so we give all our power away, the power to choose who we understand ourselves to be and how we see existence.

The blame game is easy to play as we attack others full of resentment, grievance, recrimination, fear and anger. “How could you have done this to me!?” “You are a terrible person!” “I would be happy if only you would …………..or stop…………”

When we are stuck in victimhood and make other people and things responsible for our unhappiness and suffering, we are lost to the wiles and snares of the ego. The solution is forgiveness. Forgiveness is when we are willing to give up making other people responsible for our unhappiness. No one and no thing can make you choose fear and hate over love and compassion.

Gary Renard, a teacher of A Course In Miracles, points out that we have multiple forgiveness opportunities every day. Every time we are annoyed, angry, irritated, hurt, scared we can step back and ask “What would love have me do?” Love does not see us as a victim. Love does not choose victimhood for us. Love tells us that we should not accept victimhood for ourselves. Love tells us we can choose peace, joy, and joining instead.

We must ask ourselves in what to put our faith. Do you favor the ego or the spirit? Do we favor fear, anger and blame or compassion, love and peace? Do we put our faith in blame and victim hood or forgiveness and self efficacy?

The Moral Unitarian Universalist - Cardinal sin seven: slavery and acedia

You are free to choose. What will it be?

The mission of UU A Way Of Life is to improve spiritual health, reduce immoral and sinful behavior, and work across systems for positive societal change. This article is another in  a series of articles on reducing immoral and sinful behavior. “Sinful” in the context of the UU A Way Of Life mission statement is defined as mistaken. The mission statement could read, “reducing immoral and mistaken behavior” but the mistakes being referred to are ones that cause spiritual injury and so we use the word “sinful.”.

The seventh component of spiritual health is freedom from and freedom to. What is the opposite freedom free and freedom to? It is slavery, possession, domination, subjugation, coercion and boredom, apathy, indolence, sloth, laziness, and what is called in the spiritual literature, acedia.

Slavery, possessing bodies, is a cardinal sin, but what’s even worse is enslaving a person’s mind by breaking their spirit. It is known colloguieally as “soul murder.” It happens all the time when we lie to people, manipulate people, put them down, bully them, insist they do things they don’t want to do and when they don’t punish them in the ten thousand ways we have learned to attack and get revenge and exact our will.

Dispirited, demoralized, it is easy to give up, to not care, to deny, to minimize, to alter our moods with chemicals and other compulsive activities and to keep going until we run out of resources, burn all our bridges, hit bottom, and.or sink into lethargy. We become proverbial couch potatoes.

With freedom comes responsibility. When a person develops a mind of their own, can stand on their own two feet, becomes captain of their own ship, and master of their own fate, they have come to stand for something, to take a position on things, to have gotten their shit together,and have become the real deal. Many people don’t want to take the responsibility. Their fear keeps them prisoner and they blame others for their spiritual failure to take responsibility for themselves.

The choice is actually very simple, the way of the ego or the way of the Spirit. The way of the ego is the path of separation, attack, resentment, revenge, grievance, and fear. The way of the spirit is the path of Oneness (holiness), love, joy, and peace.

We are free to choose any time. More likely the fork in the road will be encountered multiple times, sometimes in one day. All we need to do is ask “What would love have me do?” Love of God, love of self, love of others, love of life?

In what do we choose to put our faith: the things of the ego or the things of the spirit? We become aware of our freedom to choose. The question is which will it be?

Explaining things to kids - Does everybody hate us?

This summer, as Donald Trump picked off his competition for the 2016 election, you learned to read the newspaper. You had more questions. 
“Does Donald Trump hate all brown people?”
“Hate is a strong word.” 
“Does he not like brown people?”
“Some.”
 “Like Mexicans and Muslims?” 
“Yes.”
 “What about brown boys like me? Does he not like brown boys like me?” 
“What’s not to like about you?” I asked. Then I grabbed you and tickled you and sank my face into your stomach, where you would not see my fear.
How Do I Explain This to My Kids? . The New Press.p.5

What mom did not know then, but would come to learn, and her eight year old brown son would learn also, is that Donald Trump would take children away from their parents at the border and put them in cages to teach people a lesson not to come here.

And the American people will cheer and chant “Build the wall! Build the wall!”

How does a parent explain such things to a child?
“Some people are afraid of people who are different from them.”
“Why, Mom.?”
“Because they have advantages in our society that they are afraid they will lose if other people come here to live with them.”
“Like grandma and grandpa?
“Yes”
“So why did they let them in.”
“The rules were different back then.”
“And the President changed the rules.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because people are afraid and President Trump wanted the people who are scared to vote for him.”
“Is that how he got elected president?”
“Yes.”
“So now people hate people like us because they are afraid of us.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want people to be afraid of me and hate me.”
“I don’t want that either.”
“How do we change their minds?”
“:We have to show them they have nothing to be afraid of.”
“How do we do that?”
“We have to be nice to them, even if they aren’t nice to us.”
“It doesn’t seem fair.”
“It isn’t.”
“So, Mommy, what can we do?”
“Honey, don’t cry. It’s going to be all right in the end, I love you. Daddy loves you. Grandma and Grandpa love you. Your teacher in school loves you. Your friends love you. The people at church love you. God loves you dearly. There are many, many people who love you and didn’t vote for President Trump.”
“So not everybody voted for him?”
“No.”
“That’s good. That helps me feel better.”
“Good night, sweetie. Sweet dreams.”
“Good night, momma.”

The Moral Unitarian Univeralist - Cardinal Sin 6 - Individualism or interdependence?

Individualism or interdependence?

The mission of UU A Way Of Life is to improve spiritual health, reduce immoral and sinful behavior, and work across systems for positive societal change. This article is another in  a series of articles on reducing immoral and sinful behavior. “Sinful” in the context of the UU A Way Of Life mission statement is defined as mistaken. The mission statement could read, “reducing immoral and mistaken behavior” but the mistakes being referred to are ones that cause spiritual injury and so we use the word “sinful.”.

The sixth component of spiritual health is the felt connection to the interdependent web. What is the opposite of felt connection to the interdependent web? It is individuality. It is looking out for and advocating for numero uno. It is uplifting the ego in place of the mutual welfare.

As the poet John Donne wrote, “No man is an island,” and yet, especially in America with its ethic of rugged individualism, we act as if he is separate unto himself with no regard for the environment and ecosystem within which he lives.

We extract resources for profit. This is the basis of our capitalistic system with no regard for what are called the “externalities” which are the hidden costs which don’t get factored in the price paid.

When we were children we were encouraged to share. Generosity was seen as a virtue, but then as we grew older accumulation of wealth was promoted as the primary criteria of “success.” This accumulation of wealth whether it be material, psychological, social, physical, and even spiritual has been held up as the epitome of achievement. The glorification of individual performance is the hubris that is destroying us in these days of Covid-19 and climate warming.

We are quickly coming to learn about public health consequences of our behaviors which contribute to “herd” infection and death. We are learning about supply chains and the importance of their integrity to deliver the goods. We are quickly becoming aware of our interdependence and the fissures and fracturing of our safety net. We are learning who performs “essential” work, and who are nonessential and exist merely for entertainment and unnecessary luxury.

Obliviousness about the interdependent web in which we exist and live is one of the cardinal sins of our age and will be the cause of immense suffering and death and perhaps extinction of our species.

How do we diminish this obliviousness of the interdependent web of which we are a part? We must teach ourselves and others to diminish the ego and empathize with others. Some might name it compassion, but it is more than that, it is a humility to recognize and acknowledge that we are a part of something greater than ourselves. We are called to join with and nurture and respect that something greater. Some would call it “reverence” and even “piety.”

The key skill is learning to connect the dots and recognize, acknowledge, and appreciate the wholeness (holiness) of the systems in which we participate.

We have a choice in what to put our faith: individualism or the interdependent web of which we all are a part.

Explaining things to kids - Peer pressure

We are in a period of rapid social change. It is stressful for adults to manage the many changes that seem to affect our lives, and it is especially challenging for parents and grandparents who wonder how to explain what they are seeing and hearing on TV, social media, and in their families and communities every day. This is the first of several articles for parents and grandparents describing ideas about how to manage situations by explaining things in our society to our children and grandchildren from a Unitarian Univeralist perspective. These articles will be tagged, "Explaining things to kids."

Our first topic is peer pressure.

Many members of the Republican party, while expressing private dismay at his more outrageous behavior, seem intimidated and completely unable to speak out against him (despite the fact that many of them were mocked and humiliated by him during his campaign). Those who bow to Trump’s threats do not seem to understand the axiom that you cannot accommodate to a bully, nor normalize his aggression.

But we must also try to explain to them how someone like this could have been elected to the highest office in the land, and why our country seems to have rewarded behavior that most of us condemn.

How Do I Explain This to My Kids? . The New Press. p.x

Children understand peer pressure. My mother used to say to me when I wanted to do something that my best friend, Jack Blackburn, was doing that she disapproved of, "Would you jump off a bridge just because Jack Blackburn did it?" I was ten. I got her point. I would drop my head, look at the floor, and moan, "No, mom." to which she would provide the coup de grace which was, "Well, then you shouldn't do ________ either."

I was lucky. I had a good mother who encouraged me to think for myself, use my common sense, and stand up for myself and not do things that were wrong headed. I was raised Roman Catholic not Unitarian Universalist, but Roman Catholics stress in their character formation, as Unitarian Univeralists do, the right of conscience and the acceptance of responsibility for the consequences of one's decisions and actions.

At age seven we were taught to review our conscience regularly and go to confession to admit to our Higher Power what we had done wrong and to amend for any harm we had done, learn from our experience, and get our lives on a better track. This practice, unfortunately, seems to have diminished in Roman Catholicism and is not practiced at all in Unitarian Universalism. Children, now days, are not only not being taught the difference between right and wrong, they are not being taught to review their lives on a regular basis - to examine their consciences. Consequently, we are left with people who jump off of bridges following a bully bowing to peer pressure even when they know it is wrong.

Our goal is to raise courageous and brave children who will engage in the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. This truth and meaning is to be found in their conscience which has been informed by research, review, and understanding.

How and where is one to find truth and meaning when one is being pressured and bullied? First, one turns to trusted family. Then one turns to friends. Then one turns to social media. Maybe one turns to school. Lastly, one turns to chuch and religion. Family, friends, social media, school, church.

There was a time when the priority of sources of guidance was different. When I was growing up in the 1950s it was family, church, school, friends, media. Now the order of priority has shifted and church comes in last.

Why has church lost it's importance? There are many reasons, but perhaps the biggest is relevance. The teachings of the church have become irrelevant. The church no longer addresses the fundamental existential issues that people have to confront.

What does UU teach children about how to deal with peer pressure and bullies? How is it that a person with the character of Donald J. Trump got elected as President of the United States and supposed leader of the free world? What does it tell us about ourselves that we freely elected such a person to make decisions for us and the society we live in. How do we explain this to our children?

The simple explanation is that our society is very sick and dysfuctional. Our social values and beliefs are fundamentally immoral and antithetical to our mutual welfare. Unitarian Univeralism offers a better way based on its seven principles. It is time for us to stand up for what we believe in and proclaim our values and beliefs to the rest of the world. What better place to start than with our children and grandchildren?

The first step might be Peg Markham's question to her son, David, "Would you jump off a bridge just because Jack Blackburn did it?"

Would you vote for the Republican candidate for president who is a bully, a liar, a con man, an assaulter of women, a racist, a cheat just because your party put him on the ballot?

Bowing to peer pressue can have terrible consequences which we are living with now. We, as Americans have made our bed and now we have to lie in it. Unfortunately our children and grandchildren have to too some of whom have been separated from their parents and put in cages. Can we teach our children so that they can create a better world than the one we are giving to them? Do Unitarian Univeralists do a better job of character formation and parents of other religious traditions?