Humility and the fourth principle of UU

The UU fourth principle, the free and responsible search for truth and meaning requires an open hearted willingness to accept the truth which our Higher Power shows us. It is very hard to give up control, to give up the feeling that "I know best." The worst position to adopt is the need to be right which involves winning over other people. Arguments, disagreements, debates no longer have as their goal finding the truth but winning. The need to win and dominate takes precedence over truth and relevant meaning.

One of the most important qualities for spiritual development is humility. Humility comes from the recognition that our lives are unmanageable and that we have to turn them over to our Higher Power whatever we conceive our Higher Power to be. All we need for spiritual growth is willingness and to give up our willfulness. Willingness and willfulness sound alike, look alike, and yet are diametrically opposed. Willingness is to turn our life over to God and then get out of the way.

Some people don't feel worthy to allow God to come into their lives. Their sense of unworthiness makes them think that they have to purify themselves, atone for their sins, clear their desires and motivations, and yet this way of thinking denies God's power in their lives. We just need to turn our will over to God's will for us. That's all. If we try to do more, it is coming from our arrogance and desire to control.

Letting go requires trust and faith. Jesus complained all the time, "Oh you of little faith! If you only knew how much your father in heaven loves you."

When we are making choices with existential import, we can ask ourselves, "What would Love have me do?" and then allow things to take that direction.

Truth and meaning come from a sense of purpose. UUs fourth principle

George, as you know from our previous conversations, there are many ways of looking at things. Multi-dimensional is the term we have used. Of course, when we conceptualize and analyze things based on a multi-dimensional model, it complicates things and people are easily overwhelmed. Therefore in this conversation let's keep things simple.

The fourth principle of Unitarian Univeralism is to affirm and promote the free and responsible search for truth and meaning and you asked me, George, how a person is supposed to live his life based on this principle. The best answer I can give you is to ask yourself when you wonder what the best decision is to make is, "What do I want to have happen?" In other words, what is the purpose? What is the purpose of this relationship, of this action, of this situation? What is the goal you want to achieve? Once you are clear about your goal, then you can ask yourself, "How can I best make this happen? What will it take?" These two questions, George will provide you with meaning.

Then after you have clarified what you want to have happen and how you want to accomplish that then you can ask yourself how your efforts are working for you. That evaluation provides you with the truth of the situation, action, intent.

People, George, are often confused because they are seeking pleasure, or relief from stress and anxiety, and they behave in ways that leave them feeling like victims being battered and controlled by circumstances not of their choosing. If they were to step back, get things into perspective, and ask themselves, "What do I want to have happen here? What is the purpose of this situation/ relationship?" they will have entered into a mindful state which is conducive to creating an experience of peace, and peace is the litmus test for achieving truth and meaning.

I like the bumper sticker which says, "Change is inevitable. Progress is optional." What we UUs are striving for by the implementation of our fourth principle, George, is progress, progress towards the betterment of humankind and the world.

The purpose, by the way, of our relationship is to help each other grow in understanding and wisdom and I like the way it is working and it gives me a great sense of well being and peace. Many thanks for participating in these conversations with me.

Love,

Uncle David

Unitarian Universalism and sex.

Lucy, your question about sex and Unitarian Universalism is appreciated. As you mentioned, other religions and Christians denominations have many teachings and rules about sexual behavior that sometimes seems way out of proportion to other moral issues.

Unitarian Universalism is neutral about sexual behavior being neither for it or against it. UU respects the person's right to conscience and the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. UU also insists on the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Having said that, UU leaves the topic of sex alone.

The main purpose of sex, of course, is procreative to assure the continuation of our species, homo sapiens. Mother Nature has also made sex enjoyable for the most part so that humans will engage in it. On the ego plane, humans have wrapped sexual behavior into a belief about special relationships which becomes called romantic love. This emphasis on special relationships when it comes to sex contributes to huge amounts of drama as evidenced in our songs, our movies, our TV shows, and literature.

When it comes to sexual attraction and behavior, the emphasis is on the body with less attention to the soul. Pornography carries this dynamic to the extreme wherein lust is stimulated by images and interactions which have nothing to do with the spirits of the people engaged in the activity. This emphasis is in violation of UUs first principle and the fourth and so may diminish the deeper awareness of the possible meaning and purpose of sexual behavior which may be to transcend the physical and enhance deeper spiritual communication. Psychologists have found that sexual satisfaction is not enhanced by mechanical actions but by the quality of friendship of the people involved. 

And so we come back again to the question behind your question which is "What is the purpose of sexual behavior?" The answer is procreative and recreative and it is in the procreative aspect that unconsciously we experience the most guilt because we believe that we have usurped the creative power of God. God is the creative energy of the universe who uses us to extend God's creation and we should realize that this creative power is not ours, but comes from the Godhead working through us. Do we understand ourselves to be the extension of God's creative energy in the world when we engage in sex or do we think we have stolen this power to ourselves alone? It is this unconscious guilt that we have stolen the fire of creation from God that leads to the myriad rules that religions make about sex without being fully aware of what they are doing.

Unitarian Universalism is not a guilt inducing religion. It does not teach the belief about Original sin but of Original blessing. UU does not believe in sin, guilt, and fear as other religions do and so it is neutral when it comes to sexual behavior. Unitarian Universalism is one religion which is not into the guilting business. If UUs teach anything about sexual behavior, it is that  sex should always be loving, and respectfully engaged in with an awareness of our contributing with the Godhead to the interdependent web of all existence.

Love,

Uncle David

What would Love have me do? Unitarian Universalist fourth principle

Dear George:

On the phone yesterday as you told me about your break-up with Judy, you cried and said you didn't know what to do. I said, "Yes, you do. What do you think?" And you told me, and it became apparent that you knew the answer all along. You were just too upset to recognize it.

We often know deep down what is in our best interests and others. Some people call this "intuitive wisdom" and this intuitive wisdom seems to be more readily available to some people than to others. In other words, some people have learned how to turn within and listen. Others look for external answers and fill their lives with screens, social media, and all kinds of external distractions. This behavior reminds me of the song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." I will change the word "love" to "wisdom." Looking for wisdom in all the wrong places.

There is a couple of sentences in A Course In Miracles that point to this idea of intuitive wisdom. It is written, "This is a course in how to know yourself. You have taught what you are, but have not let what you are teach you." We all probably will admit that we don't know ourselves very well and very few of us knows what makes us tick. This deep level of self understanding is very rare. If you want to bring a conversation to an abrupt halt ask the person you are talking with, "Tell me, what makes you tick?" The question almost seems impertinent, doesn't it? We teach who we think we are and often our teaching is delusional at best, and harmful at worst. And yet if we deeply listen to the whisperings of the Spirit, we learn who we really are and then we begin to teach that and our lives and those of others improve.

I have shared with you before, George, my interest in Unitarian Universalism and the fourth princple of UU is to affirm and promote the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. This search, if we are serious about it, will take us inward not outward, we will search the internal not the external. And so, you knew, all along what you needed to do about your relationship with Judy, and you said to me, "Give her, her space." We agreed that giving her her space seemed to be the loving thing.

The test, George, of your decision about what to do about your relationship with Judy is whether it brings you peace and joy in the end. Breaking up is hard to do as Neil Sedaka sang, and yet possessivness, control, domination, guilt induction, retribution, are not the answer even though the ego often wants us to engage in these tactics. The answer to most of our problems is "What would Love have me do?"

Peace be unto you,

Uncle David

How does the fourth principle of Unitarian Universalism apply to children?

The truth of the fourth principle is "keeping it real."

The fourth principle of Unitarian Universalism is the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. We live now in a media and digital age where "Fake news" is the accusation of the day when we become aware of anything we don't agree with. What is the truth becomes even more questionable. And so, the question "What is the truth?" becomes even more important.

 A Course In Miracles teaches that Truth is the existence of God's unconditional love which goes beyond definition. It says in the Course's introduction, "The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is our natural inheritance." Can we give up our egos and get out of our own way? The drama of our egos are blocks to our awareness of love's presence and the truth.

In dissolving our egos or rising above them, we become mirrors of God's Holiness. God's love reflects off our beings as off a mirror. As Stephen Gaskin said one time, "In the last analysis all we have to offer others is our own state of being." What condition is your condition in? Is your condition authentic, genuine, sincere?

Lying, now called "spin," has become so acceptable that we have come to expect it from politicians, advertisers, proselytizers of all stripes, and even from friends and loved ones. Back in the 60s we would ask whether a person had his/her "shit together," whether in communicating with him/her we got "good or bad vibes."

My granddaughter said to her mother upon meeting the mother of her school friend in the mall, "Mama that woman is off. Isn't something wrong with her?" Indeed, the woman was very histrionic and full of hyperbole and my 8 year old granddaughter had picked up on it. At a young age, people know the truth.

And so, we might say that "truth" is very close to authenticity. People in California talk about "keeping it real." How authentic, how real are you keeping things in your life?

Today, when someone greets you and asks, "Hi. How are you doing?" You might try responding, "I'm great. I'm keeping it real." Being authentic, genuine, sincere, is mirroring the manifestation of God's love and creating heaven on earth.

Consider the "responsible" in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning

"Tommy's gone," my mother had said to me when that long ago boy died. "The diphtheria. They're going to dig a hole and put him in the ground."

Mother, you don't say that to a child.

Let's set the ages down. My brother and the boy who dies are both five years old. That makes my mother twenty-seve.

"Mother, you don't need to tell children every bad thing in detail," I would say if she were here today.

"It's just the truth," she would reply.

"You told me my dog got run over and his guts were splattered everywhere."

"I'm not going to lie."

Then, why did you become a mother?

Linda McCullough Moore, "On My Way Now", The Sun, April, 2014, p.19

Editor's note:

I consider the Unitarian Universalist fourth principle, "A free and responsible search for truth and meaning" and I am struck by the importance of the word "responsible". It means so many things in the context of sharing "our truth" with someone. When a five year old asks, "Where to babies come from?" What does she really want to know, and what do we say. When your spouse asks you if you are cheating on him, do you tell him the truth even it means the end of your marriage and family? When your boss tells you your job is secure when you know the company is being bought out by some corporation and the operation is being moved to Mexico do you believe him or ask for more information even if it might lead to early termination? When your mother tells you that your leaving the church of your child hood means you will be cast into eternal damnation of hell and you will be ostracized from the family and community, do you tell her she is wrong and has been corrupted by false teachings. So many things to consider that telling the truth, especially to power is terrifying, confusing, and often far from easy.

It takes guts to be a Unitarian Universalist and live responsibly according to the fourth principle. The mother telling her five year old child that his playmate died and will be buried in a hole in a ground strikes one as irresponsible. Telling a daughter that her beloved dog was run over and her guts were "splattered every where" strikes one as cruel and insensitive. What kind of a mother or a father does this? One with a chip on his or her shoulder. One who has been hurt and is angry and enjoys seeing other people suffer too. Misery loves company as they say. When we deliberately attack and hurt other people with the truth and then smugly, passive aggressively, justify our behavior with "I was only telling the truth", we need to look a little deeper into our motivations and soul and be more honest with ourselves.

Truth telling can be a work of mercy, compassion, and empowerment, and it can be a work of attack, violence, and destruction. UUs, like every loving human being, need to know the difference. We, UUs, pride ourselves on our fourth principle, and rarely discuss the word "responsible". Let's discuss it further. What are your ideas?

My Kind Of Church Music, You lie by Reba McEntire