Could forgiveness be a practice in Unitarian Universalism to bring us to Love?

George you asked me what my most important spiritual practice is and I told you forgiveness. You asked me how that practice is engaged in. This is an excellent question and worth exploring because forgiveness is both the easiest thing in the world and the most difficult.

Forgiveness is difficult because our ego wants to hold on to resentments, grudges, and grievances because these negative feelings makes us feel more powerful, confident, and justified. Also, our grievances are embedded in our fears of being hurt again and still feeling wounded from past hurts. The ego thinks the way to rectify injustice and hurt is vengeance. As Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye makes us both blind."

There also is a misguided belief that vengeance is a deterrent to others committing future injustices. However, psychological and sociological research has demonstrated repeatedly that threats of vengeance do not deter the commitment of future injustice but seem to increase it. The explanation of this phenomenon can be based on the idea of separation in A Course In Miracles. Vengeance, engaged in or threatened increases separation and decreases the union of the Sons of God with each other and with their Creator. Perceiving the perpetrator as "the other" " and "not like us" makes it easier to engage in violent thoughts, words, and behavior.

What repairs separation and restores relationship and reunion is forgiveness. These principles are the basis of a model of conflict and criminal justice resolution called restorative justice. Restorative justice is another topic for another time so let is suffice for this letter to continue to focus on the idea of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the letting go of the negative hurts of the past which are no longer present in the now except in our fantasies. These fantasies are comprised of what evil we think has been done to us. Our thoughts about this evil is based on our fears and these are based on fears for the body because nothing can harm our spirit without our cooperation and acceptance of the false belief in our spiritual harm. Who can harm us spiritually unless we believe this can be done? Jesus, as he is being executed, says, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." It's as if Jesus is laughing at the absurdity of the idea that his executioners could rid the world of His ideas and love by killing His body. Didn't work, did it, George? Jesus' love and ideas are still here over 2000 years later. The attempt of evil to extinguish Jesus's love of God and us, His brothers and sisters, didn't work. What do you make of that? Seems miraculous doesn't it?

Forgiveness, George, is simply the rising above the physical, ego plain, and deciding to focus on the here and now reality of the spiritual plain which is the dimension of life which entails God's love and the union of the Sons and Daughters of the Spirit of Life. Where would you rather dwell, George, in the land of anguish, suffering, and victimhood, or the land of peace, contentment, joy and beloved son or daughter of creation?

The most important part of the practice of forgiveness George is to, as they say in AA, turn it over to your Higher Power, whatever you conceive your Higher Power to be. The other saying I like from AA is "Let go and let God." If Jesus can say as they are killing Him, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do," why can't we do the same thing?

Forgiveness, as a spiritual practice, is just that, "a practice." We have to practice forgiveness. Some days we do better at it than others, but the key is patience and persistence. It usually takes repeated attempts to rise above past hurts and injustice and to focus in the here and now.

It is a disappointment that Unitarian Universalism does not articulate a practice of forgiveness more explicitly like other religions do. UU does not have rituals of confession, repentance, exoneration, and redemption and we are the poorer for it. Historically, especially in the Universalist tradition, there was a belief in the unconditional love of the creator and being loved unconditionally why would forgiveness even be necessary since sin is not seen as real or having a significance for eternal well being.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

Bottom line, George, is to strive to live in the light, and to do that we must tune into Creations love for us so we can extend it to others. As UUs we covenant together to promote and affirm the goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. I think for UUs and others to practice this principle we must learn how to love and this requires the removal of the barriers and obstacles to our awareness of Love's presence and that removal is best accomplished through forgiveness.

Love,

Uncle David

The mission of Unitarian Universalism is to teach forgiveness

We teach what we believe about ourselves. What do Unitarian Universalists believe about themselves? Do they believe they are special living in a hostile world? Do they believe that they are defective and unacceptable in some way and therefore are attempting to create a safe space into which they can feel like they belong? Do they believe they alone have a progressive message that the world would benefit from hearing?

Life presents us with a curriculum which we are to learn and we find ourselves repeating the lessons until we do learn them and then we desire to teach them to others to save the world from its suffering.

And what is the primary lesson we need to learn by teaching? It is an existential lesson which is simply that our suffering comes from our attempts to separate ourselves from our creator by building up and protecting our egos. Our mission is to teach that we are not our ego but a part of something far more mysterious, glorious, and awesome. The path to happiness is to eschew the ego, forgive ourselves and others and join the rest of Life in the At-one-ment. This involves looking for the divine spark, the Great Rays, from all living things and encouraging others to do the same.

The mission of Unitarian Universalists is to teach not only a respect but a love for the interdependent web of all existence and the most important step in this direction is to forgive our own trespasses and the trespasses of others against us.

Take away = The basis of our Unitarian Univeralist faith is forgiveness and this requires awareness and generosity. How can you teach the value of forgiveness to others so that you better learn the lesson yourself?

Transcending the dichotomous mind though forgiveness.

The second principle of Unitarian Unversalism is to covenant to affirm and promote justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. This is a worthy secular value but it implies that there is the opposites: injustice, inequality, and sadism also in the world and as we learn from the Tao Te Ching the spiritual life is based on a transcendence of the ying and yang, the paradoxical quality of our dichotomous minds.

What Unitarian Universalism should be promoting and affirming is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the rising above and the letting go of judgement. It is getting to a place where justice, equality,and compassion are no longer necessary because Love is all there is.

It is written in A Course In Miracles that we hold on to the past to be able to judge for "judgement becomes impossible without the past, for without it you do not understand anything." T-15.V.1:1

A little further it is written: "You are afraid of this because you believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love." T-15.V.1:6-7

Does this mean I should forget the past?

Not exactly for as human beings that would be impossible and we would not learn anything and grow. What is suggested is that we forgive the past, we rise above it, and we do not let the past imprison us in the present.

As a psychotherapist sometimes I am asked, "Do you really believe people can change?"

I answer, "I would be a hypocrite and a fraud if I didn't believe people could change. Of course they can. I have been honored and privileged to witness miraculous change."

Anna and Mike came to see me after Mike had an affair. Anna, then our of revenge, went and had an affair too. They both decided to get back together. Mike told me, "We are so much better now."

Anna chimed in and said, "We went out for coffee and forgave each other and decided to start over again. It was wonderful."

They both are in their late 40s and had met in high school at age 15. They have been together 27 years.

"Start over?" I asked.

"Yes," Anna said. "We agreed to pretend that we just met."

Without history there is no judgment and with no judgement, there is a space for love to exist.

I love the bumper sticker "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." The best judgement is forgiveness which makes a place for love.

Justice, equity, and compassion and compassion is the greatest of the three when it comes to forgiveness

Yesterday I wrote; "Our goal as Unitarian Universalists is not to get people into heaven, but heaven into people and forgiveness is the alchemy which turns coal into gold." and today, I find an article on the PsyBlog entitled, "Forgiveness: The Wonderful Psychological Perks". Increasingly research is showing that people who forgive are happier, more mentally healthy, have less stress and live longer. For a description of  the latest research on forgiveness published in Psychological Science, click here.

Osho describes science and religion being two sides of the same coin of life, science looking outward, and religion looking inward. In this case, it is interesting that psychological science is confirming what religion has been teaching for millennia.

What Unitarian Universalism teaches is justice, equity, and compassion in human relations and I think when it comes to a forgiving heart, compassion is the greatest of the three.

Who is this son or daughter I cannot explain?

"She is my daughter, or she was before she grew into this person I cannot explain - I, who offer mitigating explanation for every member of my family - ..."

Linda McCullough Moore, "On My Way Now", The Sun Magazine, April, 2014, p.18

Indeed, who are these children we have raised who have become adults we do not know and who go their own way sometimes attacking us with resentments of what we did or didn't do. They haven't learned yet that imperfection is a common human affliction but it will come with time and we can hope that by the end of our lives we will have found the courage and faith to forgive ourselves and them and this whole sorry, weary world which has led us astray from appreciation of the transcendent mystery.

And our faith teaches us that in the end we are just a small part of the interdependent web of existence born out of the awesome power of Life, the ground of our being, and for which we could give thanks and praise if we can overcome the obstacles to the awareness of Love's presence. Our goal as Unitarian Universalists is not to get people into heaven, but heaven into people and forgiveness is the alchemy which turns coal into gold.