Story of the day - Going down on a sinking ship with people you like

Glen was depressed and anxious. He'd wake up about 3:00 AM like clock work, anxious, and couldn't get back to sleep sometimes for 2 or 3 hours at 5:00 or 6:00 AM and he had to get up for work at 7:00 AM. At work he was anxious, dizzy, at times feeling like he was going to faint and he had no idea what was wrong. No fever, no other symptoms but his sense of dread and impending doom. It was incapacitating at times. He visited his doctor several times over a two week period who kept telling him he could find no medical explanation for his symptoms. His doctor suggested that he might be depressed and he didn't agree. He didn't feel depressed. Glen insisted it was medical not psychological. Finally, he did start taking an antidepressant, citalopram, and in three days he noticed he was sleeping better and his anxiety subsided. He was starting to feel like his old self. Glen told his story to Gary and said, "Jesus, if this is depression, my heart goes out to anyone who suffers from it. It is terrible. One of the worst things in my life I have ever gone through."

What bothered Glen the most, besides not sleeping, was the sense of dread, the impending doom, and there was nothing in his life to cause this. Things were going well. However, he had become scared as he learned more about the climate change. The scientists were in agreement. The scientific findings and trajectory was basically sound, but nobody besides Al Gore and Bill McKibben seemed to be taking this seriously. Glen felt he was trapped in a Catch 22. Who was crazy, him or the people who seemed oblivious or were in outright denial?

While the antidepressants helped with the symptoms, they did not address the underlying concerns and alarm. Glen was in his 60s, getting to the final stage of his life, and he wasn't so worried for himself, but what he was leaving behind for the younger generations. Were they being warned and adequately prepared for the changes they would have to make? No one seemed to be talking seriously about the upcoming years ahead. It was like it was just so overwhelming and unmanageable that people had given up before they'd even started. Glen remembered reading a futurist who said that the biggest threat facing humankind is the "I don't care attitude". As long as I've got mine, lots of luck to you. Leave me alone. Glen didn't want to live in a world like that and it seemed more and more that's what his world, the United States, was becoming. The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer, and the concern is no longer for the common good, but for vested interests. What goes on in Washington, and in his state, and county, and town disgusted him. Everyone is looking out for him or herself, and worrying about anyone else seems increasingly overwhelming. You can't take care of everybody so take care of yourself seemed to be the new ethic.

Glen didn't know what to do so he thought he would go back to church, and he didn't go back to the church of his youth because he already knew they didn't have what he was looking for. He went to a new church where they talked a good game, but he was skeptical if they played the game they talked. What he found was half and half. They definitely talked a better game than they played, but many of the people there were trying at least. It gave him hope. He felt a tad bit more optimistic. It the ship was sinking, at least these are the kind of people he'd like to go down with.

My Kind Of Church Music - Call It Democracy, Bruce Cockburn

To fix our environment we are going to have to change our people, places, and things

The UU A Way Of Life book of the month for August, 2014, is Mary Pipher's, The Green Boat: Reviving Ourselves In Our Capsized Culture.

In the introduction, Mary Pipher describes her anguish at what appears to be a collapsing society and world. She writes: "But when I turned on the news or read about the environment, war, and daily global injustices, I felt like jumping out of my skin.
     I sensed that many people felt this way. For example, most of my news-junkie friends no longer read the news. And people who had once loved intense political conversations avoided any talk about national and international affairs. People were rushed, stressed, and edgy. Everyone looked tired. We were all confused about what was going on and about how to fix it." p.1

And so Pipher tries to describe the problem. She is depressed and because of her depression she is perceiving depression all around her. You might say that with the collapse of the climate, the whole world, Mother Nature, is depressed. And what are we, any of us, to do about it?

As I read Pipher, and I think we are about the same age in our late 60s, I mutter to myself, "Been there, done that." I went though my depression about 5 years ago, and climate change was one of the top items I perseverated about with my sense of impending doom.

Pipher writes that there are great changes which we are experiencing at this time in the world that scientist, Will Steffen, calls the "Great Acceleration" which is a tsunami of urgent and life-threatening planetary changes that can be traumatic to experience and become aware of. Pipher writes further that this trauma can best be managed with transcendence which allows us  to "...be present and focused, to stay calm and balanced, and to attend to the world around us with great love." p.3

Pipher writes:

In his book, Steps to an Ecology Of Mind, Gregory Bateson writes, 'The unit of survival is the organism and its environment.' We cannot protect our inner life unless we protect our outer life. The external is not so external after all. the only way we can be healthy as individuals is to create healthy environments around us. We are all mixed up together; our survival is contingent on the survival of other living things." p.5

What Pipher is describing what we Unitarian Universalists already covenant to affirm and promote in our seventh principle, the interdependent web of existence of which we are a part.

As people in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction are taught, the success of their continued recovery may require that they change their people, places, and things. If you are in recovery you can't hang around with the same old people, in the same old places, doing the same old stuff because that's where your triggers are. Once we realize that the "unit of survival" as Gregory Bateson defines it is the organism and its environment, then we realize, to return to a healthier balance of interdependence on a road of recovery, we are going to have to change some of our people, places, and things. In order to do this we need to develop a sober support group, a  group of like minded people who will support our recovery. Do you know such people?

Story of the day - How racism is learned

Our little Mary, Shirley Temple look alike, came home from kindergarten, and said with a pout, "I don't like black people!" My wife and I were horrified. How could our darling little white girl with the curly blond hair and blue eyes and polite middle class upbringing, be a racist?

Her kindergarten was in a school which was part of the "urban-suburban" program meaning that inner city children were bused out to school in the suburbs and most of these "city children" were, of course, people of color and lower class. What Mary was objecting to was not that they were black but that they were aggressive, unmannered, didn't use middle class speech patterns, and had values foreign to Mary's middle class upbringing. What to do to help Mary, 6 years old, with growing antipathy towards this behavior? Should we encourage Mary to "stand her ground" and fight back, or be passive and "nice" and continue to get taken advantage of? Perhaps we should find a way to help Mary find a middle ground.

My wife and I had a conference with the teacher who at first was very polite, reserved, and diplomatic, but as the conversation continued she admitted that there was quite a culture clash, and her job as a kindergarten teacher was made much more challenging by the very different social backgrounds of her students. How to help the middle class kids tolerate or constructively respond to the objectionable behavior of the lower class kids was a challenge that the teacher often felt inadequate and unsuccessful in dealing with. The teacher said that Mary was one of her best students, well behaved, followed directions, and tried hard to accommodate the objectionable behavior of the inner city kids, and yet there were times that the teacher said she observed that Mary was hurt and mistreated.

Should we move Mary to another classroom that did not participate in the "urban-suburban program?" As we considered this, a miraculous thing happened. Mary made friends with a sweet, delightful, African American girl, who agreed with Mary that sometimes the boys were "too rough". Mary and Laketa became good friends and Laketa was invited to come to our home for play dates but she never did. My wife and I, I am embarrassed to admit, were just as happy with this for fear that Laketa's mother would want to reciprocate and Mary would go to her home in the inner city.

I became well aware that my discomfort was not about race, but about class. If Laketa had been Bill Cosby's child or Michael Jordan's, no problem, but the child of single mom living in poverty with a father no one seemed to know about, raised fears of the unknown especially when we considered if we would be responsible parents subjecting our daughter to these circumstances.

My wife said to me, "You know Jerry, this is how racism is learned. It's our fears and attitudes as much as anything that get unconsciously shifted to Mary. She knows we are afraid, and wary of these people too, and really don't want her to get too close to Laketa."

"Better than nothing," I said, "at least we are trying. Not perfect, but I hope somehow it helps."

"I hope you're right," is all she said.

My Kind Of Church Music - Ebony and Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

Are we looking for the divine spark in everyone?

This month, August, 2014, UU A Way Of Life will be considering and discussing the third principle of Unitarian Universalism: We covenant to affirm and promote acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations."

Ten years ago I attended a UU church in a small rural community and the question came up of whether we wanted to go though the process to become certified as a "Welcoming Community" open to welcoming gay and transgender people to our congregation. There were some gay people already in the congregation, but the idea of going public scared some of the members. "I don't know if it's a good thing for us to become known as "the gay church" in our community. It might create more problems than it resolves." It is one thing to think one thing in private, but to go public is a big step and this church decided not to do it.

We tell ourselves we are open minded, and not racist or homophobic or sexist or discriminatory in any way and perhaps, in our own heart we are not, but to go public with our beliefs especially when they run counter to community norms takes courage and bravery that is all too often sadly lacking. It has been said that America is most segregated on Sunday mornings when we Americans go to church.

Structural and institutional discrimination is prevalent in our society, and while we are sometimes aware of this we don't want to say anything because we are quite comfortable enjoying the security of the practices in place even though we know they go against our consciences. In one UU congregation a person accused of sexually offending was singled out and stigmatized based on the church policy and a few years later was found not guilty of the offenses which he had been charged with. During this period of time, the person left the UU church and attended a protestant church of another denomination where he was welcomed. The UU policy was developed in response to the pedophile priest scandal and the heightened sensitivity and frightened alarm of the time. Congregations rushed to develop policies to assure "safe congregations", but, often wound up with bureaucratic rules which were antithetical to just, equitable, compassionate pastoral care.

I remember being told when I was a teenager that churches were hospitals for sinners, but all too often sinners are stigmatized, and treated as pariahs as we pay lip service to the idea of acceptance of one another with compassion. And so, it becomes unclear what is meant by this idea of acceptance. As Carolyn Owen- Towle writes in her essay on the third principle in "With Purpose and Principle: Essays About The Seven Principles Of Unitarian Universalism" edited by Edward A. Frost, "It is within our capacity to accept someone for their intrinsic worth without necessarily accepting what they believe or how they act. That, in fact, is what we are obliged by our principles to do. But, it does take a certain amount of maturity to separate being from behavior." p.47

As a Narrative Therapist, I have been taught that the problem is the problem, the person is not the problem. We can accept the person, and reject the problem. It is in making this distinction that spiritual growth can occur. People think, feel, and do insane things. The ego can create treacherous scenarios for itself and others, and stepping back and getting things into perspective, we recognize that living on the ego plane can be hell. The miracle, according to A Course In Miracles, is a shift in perception to the spiritual plane, and this miracle is enacted when UUs apply this third principle in looking, like Peace Pilgrim, for the divine spark in everyone and welcoming it so it can be manifested in our lived relationships.

Unitarian Universalist young boy has a special need. Can you, will you, help?

Rev. Lee Richards, Pastor of the Pullman Memorial Universalist Church in Albion, NY, writes a blog and Tuesday, July 29, 2014, this post appeared. I thought some of the readers of the UU A Way Of Life might be interested. Pullman is a very small but old Universalist church in Western New York in Orleans County between Rochester and Buffalo and one of the poorest counties in New York State. In order for the goal to reached to provide Tyler with a Diabetic Alert Dog, people from outside the area will have to help as well. Thank you for your attention and possible assistance.

From Pastor Richards blog:

One of our younger church members needs help...

Tyler was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 7. He has what is known as "labile diabetes" which means that he has extreme, volatile fluctuations in his blood sugar on a regular basis, as much as from 35-600 in the course of a day. He uses an insulin pump and CGM device to try to control his diabetes, yet even with these amazing technological advances, he was still found on his bedroom floor in a grand mal seizure that almost took his life. The hope is that through fundraising his family will be able to provide a Diabetic Alert Dog (DAD) that is able to smell and alert for high and low blood sugars and possibly save his life in the future.

More information about Tyler and how a DAD can help, plus how you - the reader - can help may be found at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/bring-home-kenai-a-diabetic-alert-dog-for-tyler-/210944#sthash.UAhwStog.dpuf

Please, if you can possibly can do so, follow the link and make a contribution for this boy and give him a chance to enjoy life more. As his pastor, I thank you.

Story of the day - Saving our elderly planet

"Honey, listen to these passages from Moore's book. I just love her writing. It is full of pathos and snark all at the same time.

"I feel like I'm dying, but I'm not exactly breaking new ground here. Someone in my family is always dying."
........
" We've just finished supper. Eileen has our mother on a three-day visit from the nursing home. I keep calling it parole."
........
"Aunt Mary's legs were swollen up like two balloons." Eileen's voice is schoolmarm taut. "She couldn't catch her breath, and when we took her to the E.R., they gave her morphine right away, and six different kinds of medicine, and I said to the doctor, 'Does this mean you're trying everything?' and he said, 'Yes.'"
     The Aunt Mary in question is 97.

"She is good," said Jennifer. "What's the book again?"

"This Road Will Take Us Closer To The Moon," said Troy. "It's a book of short stories. This story is Baby Doll."

"Kind of reminds me, the stuff about people always dying, of Flight Behavior and the climate change causing all the extinction of various species," said Jennifer.

"Birth and death: it's the cycle of life, right?" said Troy.

"When it's natural, yes, but how about when it's deliberately caused by human selfishness? Then it's evil, isn't it? Not just the natural cycle of life," said Jennifer.

"Yeah, I guess so. It's a good point," said Troy.

"And when it comes to Mother Nature, I don't think we are trying everything like Eileen wants the doctor to do for Aunt Mary," said Jennifer.

"A lot of people, half of the freaking population in the country, don't want to admit that things are even sick," said Troy, "so how can they be trying everything when they don't even know or want to admit there's a problem?"

"What we need is Eileen," said Jennifer laughing. "She sounds a bit like a control freak who's willing to kick some butt to save her elderly aunt. How about if someone like Eileen was around to save our elderly planet?"

"We'd have to have a lot of Eileens," said Troy. "How about you?"

"What do you mean?" said Jennifer.

"Well you're a bit of a control freak and you care about the planet, don't you? said Troy laughing.

Flight Behavior: The moral of the story

At the end of Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver, Dellarobia, and her 6 year old son, Preston, leave the house to walk to the neighbor's peach orchard where the butterflies have descended off the mountain roost temporarily in the cold snowy weather. It is early in the morning when Preston is waiting for the school bus to take him to his kindergarten and Dellarobia has decided this is the time to tell Preston that she and Cub are separating and that they will be moving to an apartment.

     "Why did you and Dad bet married by accident?" he asked.
     "People do wrong things all the time, Preston. Grown-ups. You're going to find that out. You will be amazed. There's some kind of juice in our brains that makes us only care about what's right in front of us right this minute. Even if we know something different will happen later and we should think about that too. Our brains trick us. They say: Fight this thing right now, or run away from it. Tomorrow doesn't matter, dude."
     He stopped strumming his knee, and appeared to think this over.
     "If I could teach you one thing, Preston, that's it. Think about what's coming at you later. But see, all parents say that to all kids. We don't follow our own advice."
     He sat perfectly still, staring at snow.
     "You know what else? Grown-ups will never admit what I just told you. They'll basically poop their own beds without saying they made a mistake. even the ones that think they are A-number-one good citizens. They'll lie there saying, 'Hey, I didn't make this mess, somebody else pooped this bed.'"
     The tiniest of smiles pulled his mouth out of line, like a snag in a stocking.
     "You and Cordie are going to grow up in some deep crap, let me tell you. You won't even get a choice. You'll have to be different." p.428

When we finish Flight Behavior we can ask, "And what is the moral of the story? What is the lesson to learn from this novel? What meaning did you make of the story?"

First, Barbara Kingsolver is a gifted writer. I have loved all her books, both fiction and non-fiction. Flight Behavior grapples with difficult subjects: climate change, stagnating marriages, fears for the future for children we desperately love, the role of science in society, the role of ethics in society, the dynamics of extended family life, cultural differences of region and class. infidelity, the importance of friendship, and the role of religion in our contemporary society. Whew! This is not a beach read but a novel of substance, depth, elegance, grace, and challenge.

Second, Flight Behavior deals with the most significant and challenging topic of our contemporary times, climate change which will affect all of us on the planet in very significant ways over the coming decades and centuries. The science is not debatable at this point, 99% of scientists agree with it, climate change is happening at a rapid rate and it is human induced. Those with vested interests want to argue because they don't want their profits threatened, or their life style disrupted, their political power, or some other vested interest disturbed.

Third, the major moral of the story is one of hope, that humans grow, can become more aware, that they can adjust and respond positively to what some might experience as negative changes. While Dellarobia is concerned for her children's future she is confident that Preston will grow up into a good man, and Cordie into a good woman, who will benefit humankind and life on the planet. What Dellarobia, herself, will do with the next stage of her life is unclear, but she is bright, capable, earnest, and with a sense of purpose has given up her adolescent sexual acting out in service of being true to herself and her desire to be of service to the other creatures on the planet.

Fourth, the lesson of the story is that we, as humans, need to grow-up and take responsibility for ourselves and our environment. Some of us have grown-up, some of us like Dellarobia are in process, and some of us need to get with the program if we are to salvage some semblance of civilization on the planet. It is time to give up childish things, and thinking, and behavior. As St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 11, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."

What does it take to grow-up and put away the things of a child? Education, instruction, guidance, and accountability. Who will provide it? Religion for our modern age. Just one religion or a particular one? It will take them all, working together in an interreligious collaboration, to save ourselves, each other, and as much life as we can on this planet in its multitudinous diversity. For me Unitarian Universalism works best with its seven principles and its Christian history with a little Buddhism and humanism thrown in with some Wiccan and Native Spirituality, and Sufism, and Hindu stuff. In short, my God is too big for any one religion. The teaching of Flight Behavior is that we humans can't screw with Mother Nature arrogantly without suffering her displeasure.