Story of the day - Is rejection the end of the story?

"You're an asshole!" he shouted into the phone. Then again, "You're an asshole!", and then again, and again, and again. "I don't owe you anything! Don't ask me for anything, expect anything, I don't owe you anything!"

"You don't seem very happy?" was all he said before his son hung up on him.

The father didn't feel rejected but puzzled and concerned for his son who was so vehement in not just non-acceptance, but aggressive and hostile rejection. He had learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. And his son was anything but indifferent. He was full of rage. The only thing he could think was "Patricide". His son had just killed his father verbally, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, socially, and now he could have his mother all to himself. The classic Oedipal conflict. It all occurred on the phone.

And so it was over, a relationship of 46 years. Another child lost to him. You have them, you raise them, you invest heart, blood, tears, and it is all so easily rejected. Look what they did to Jesus he thought to himself. I am no better than Him. Look what they did to Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Gandhi, Bobby Kennedy, Bishop Romero, and the list can go on. Who am I to complain?

Acceptance is not always important. If a person stands for something, is post-conventional, that person will be a threat to the status quo, will be going against the grain of the vested interests, will be upsetting the apple cart, will be perceived as a trouble maker. That's how change is made when the seed of growth is injected into the stagnant system and the system's response is self protection, rejection, even extermination of what it perceives and experiences as toxic to its continued existence.

And so, he realized that his son's vehement rejection, his attempts to kill the relationship, in the end would not prevail, but merely change the form of the connection they have had over the years. With that kind of anger, there was plenty of energy there which would go dormant now until it erupted and manifested itself again at some time in the future, only God knows when.  "It's good," he said to himself. "It's all good." as a tear welled up in his left eye.

Will UUs accept just anything?

If we are to accept one another in our congregations and in the world it presumes that we know them. The opposite of acceptance is, of course, non acceptance or rejection. If Unitarian Universalists will accept just anybody it might make one wonder if they have any standards, if they are about anything, or does just everything go? This not standing for anything may be one of the reasons the denomination remains so small. Why would anyone want to be a member of an organization that accepts everybody? As Groucho Marx supposedly said, "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would accept someone like me."

"Acceptance", of course, doesn't mean anything goes in UU congregations even if that's what the third principle says. It means, I think, that we accept the inherent worth and dignity of every person even if we don't accept every behavior, thought, and opinion.

There is an important distinction we can make between validation and agreement. We can come to understand how people might believe and think certain things, and feel certain ways, and behave in certain ways, but we don't have to agree with it. I might say for example, "Given the circumstances, your upbringing, your temperament and personality, the incentives that motivate you, I can understand how you'd think that, feel that, do that, but I don't agree with those thoughts, feelings, and behavior." What people want more than anything is validation, to feel understood, paid attention to, listened to. They don't necessarily want people to agree with all their thoughts, feelings, and behavior, because like Groucho Marx the person might lose respect for the other who went along with their cockamamie thinking and behavior.

Two of my favorite bumper stickers read, "Don't believe everything you think", and "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Martin Luther King, Jr. said he never intended to change the attitudes of a racist, he just wanted him or her to act right.

It is not true, as far as I know, that Unitarian Universalists will accept anything in spite of what they profess. Are they liberal? Yes. Are they freethinkers? Yes. Do they require an assent to a creed? No. Overall, the guiding principle of Unitarian Universalism is Love. What would Love have us do? While Love would have us do some things, Love doesn't accept just any old thing. Unitarian Universalists, I hope, have some standards. Even though Groucho doesn't want to belong to any club that would have someone like him, UU might accept him if he cleans up his act and and desires to become the person he believes Love is calling him to become instead of simply saying, "I have given up because I'm not good enough so don't expect anything from me."

My Kind Of Church Music - Bad To The Bone, George Thorogood

Story of the day - What's with the Hummer?

Carl told his wife, Sally, that when he retired from the police force he was going to buy a Hummer.

"Why on earth, would you do that?" asked Sally. "Stick with the penis enlargement potion you bought from the internet. You don't need a Hummer to satisfy me."

Carl laughed, "Satisfying you is the last thing in the world I worry about, honey. It's the neighbors and the guys on the force I want to impress."

"With a Hummer?" Sally said incredulously.

"It's what they're in to," said Carl, "force, strength, power. Driving a Hummer is making a statement that I'm not washed up now that I am no longer on the force."

"What is this, Carl, a mid-life crisis?" asked Sally.

"Whatever," said Carl looking down no longer seeming so sure of himself.

"What do you think the people at church will say?" said, Sally. "I'll tell you right now, I'm not riding with you to church or anywhere with you in that thing."

Which god do you love more, Mammon or Mother Nature?

Mary Pipher writes in her book, The Green Boat, on page 7, "Then, in President Obama's post reelection speech, he told listeners, 'We want out children to live in an America that isn't threatened by the destructive power of a warming planet.' This breaking of the silence surrounding global climate change give me hope that, at last, we as a society might have a conversation about the fate of our beloved planet. We cannot solve a problem we won't discuss. But now that the spell of silence has been broken, perhaps we can stay awake and go to work."

It's not like President Obama let the cat out the bag. Climate warming has been well known for a decade. What's new is not the information, but that someone with power like the President of the United States would acknowledge the truth.

Pipher's point that if you can't name it, you can't manage it, is a good one. We are, and can be, easily victimized by forces we don't understand. We understand the phenomenon of climate change very well, at the least the scientific community does. The science is clear. What is questionable are our values and ethics. Ethical responsibility lags far behind scientific knowledge which might leave an observer of this fact to conclude that scientific institutions are doing their job, but religious institutions aren't. Mammon, our contemporary god, has far exceeded its influence on the American public than Mother Nature.

Which god does America love more? Mammon hands down. To this idol of American worship, the religious institutions of the country have not only acquiesced, but supported, with the so called "gospel of prosperity". This worship of this false god, Mammon, has grown increasingly untenable with climate change, and Mother Nature will hold her exceptional species accountable for their destruction of Her other beloved species up to and including the destruction of that exceptional species itself if it does not change its ways of living on its evolutionary trajectory.

Unitarian Universalism pays lip service to Mother Nature in its seventh principle, respect for the interdependent web, but UUs continue to worship Mammon as well, and its hard to tell which god they love more if one is to watch their behavior. UUs certainly are not the Amish and Mennonite who have been clear in their practice that Mother Nature is a priority for them. Does Unitarian Universalism have something to offer the inhabitants of the Green Boat? It appears that they do, but it will have to be preached and practiced more vigorously, if what UUs say is to be taken seriously by the rest of the world.

My Kind Of Church Music - Imagine, Playing For Change

Story of the day - Were you ever loved?

Joe, aged 25, and his dad were walking in the mall and Joe saw a teenager with a pink and purple mohawk one of those big fan things that look like a peacock's tail. The kid also had all kinds of metal bits stuck in his face and ears along with all kinds of tattoos. He had on jeans, jack boots, a leather vest, spiked bracelets and a choker collar. Joe stuck his chin in the kid's direction and said, "What's up with that Dad?"

The father said, "I have no idea, but I'd say the kid has issues."

Joe said, "I guess he wants attention. He sure can't blend in with that presentation in the mall."

"I think you're right," said the father. "I wonder if anyone ever loved him and made him feel valued as a person?"

"Geez," muttered Joe shaking his head.

Before acceptance comes curiosity

The third principle of Unitarian Universalism, acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations, has always puzzled me why "in our congregations" has been tacked on at the end of the principle. Why not "everywhere we go?" or just leaving the "in our congregations" off the statement. I suppose there is a more focused effort on acceptance and encouraging spiritual growth in our specific in-group and denomination, but it seems to me that the responsibility to acceptance and encouragement should go way beyond our church walls.

The immediate faith community is where the batteries get charged, where the juice gets made, where "marching orders" are given and proceeds outwards from there like the ripples in a pond when a rock has been thrown in with a splash but doesn't stop there until the wave generated reaches the banks.

Of course, it is hard to accept other people until we can accept ourselves. As Rev. Carolyn Owen-Towle writes in With Purpose and Principle, "The most difficult, yet first task, is to accept ourselves. Acceptance comes easily when we receive it from infancy. It takes intentional effort, when we have to develop it later in life." p.47 People can't give what they don't have, can't share what they haven't experienced themselves. It seems a paradox to consider trying to give something to others to receive it ourselves, but what we do for others we also do for ourselves because the other is also part of us, and if we were to deeply understand the idea that we are all one, part of what the Perennial Philosophers call the "Unitive Godhead",  the third principle would not be necessary.

However, we are imperfect, still on the road to enlightenment, and so we must develop the understanding and skills to treat others as they prefer to be treated. This presumes we know them well enough to know what it is they prefer: their values, opinions, beliefs, practices, history. The practice of acceptance and encouragement begins with curiosity about the other. Are we interested in their story? Do we have the time and discipline to listen? When we do, people feel respected, validated, valued, yes, accepted and encouraged.