It’s
been quite a week in Disneyland.
The
kids are now back in school, for better of for worse. Some reluctant students
have griped about returning to the classroom, stating in no uncertain terms
that they hate school.
"It's
stupid," one tenth grader told me. "It's a boring waste of time and I
don't understand why
I should be forced to go. Last I checked this was a free country."
That
set me to wondering why the state, in its infinite wisdom, supports compulsory
education. Why do we incarcerate kids against their wills and deprive them of
their liberty? Our Constitution prohibits the government from infringing on the
freedoms of its citizens. A writ of
habeas corpus can be brought in any jurisdiction that takes liberties with
personal freedoms -- except, of course, where kids are concerned.
We
kill them through abortion, incarcerate them in school, and force them to abide
by the court's ruling in ugly court divorce cases. Supposedly it's for their
own good.
I
asked some of the members of our community what they thought about the idea of
compulsory schooling.
"Kids
have to go to school -- period," said Elmer Sandbagger. "What are you
going to do -- let them sit around all day? If they don't learn anything, how
are they going to participate in our democracy? Well, I guess they could just
read USA Today, but kids should go to school, too, for gym."
"We
should pay kids to go to school," said Jennifer Goldigger. “My father gave
me $5 for each 'A' I brought home. He even gave me a car when I graduated. I
decided not to go to college -- not that I didn't like school or anything. See,
I want to be a model or an actress, and I'm dancing at the Babes Unlimited Club
to make ends meet until I get my big break. Overall, I enjoyed school. I really
liked cheerleading for the football team. In fact, some of my fondest school
memories involve football players.”
“We
have turned into a godless nation since they took prayer out of the
schools," said Roy Christian. They're teaching secular humanistic values,
talking about sex, distributing condoms. I don't want my kids to have any part
of it. I'll send them to a private Christian school or homeschool
them if I have to. Education is the God-given responsibility of parents, and
the government has no business telling me how to do it."
A
guy we know has been thinking about starting the American Association to End
Compulsory Education. He decided to lay low, though, when NEA vigilantes threw
a brick through his front window and set his schnauzer on fire. He has a point.
There are a lot of ways to get an education, and public schooling is not
necessarily the best. We wish that there were more affordable alternatives. But
the teacher unions have a captive audience, and the taxpayers keep coughing up the
bucks to support what amounts to a government monopoly. So, until there are
vouchers, viable alternatives and competition among schools, test scores will
continue to plummet, cultural literacy will continue its steady downward
spiral, and students will continue to complain that school is boring and a
waste of time. And they're right.
And
that's the way it is in Disneyland this week, where Jennifer is using her
education to excel as an exotic dancer,
Roy worries that his 13-year-old daughter's boyfriend will decide to take
advantage of the free condoms now available in school, and the school taxes
have gone up
another 17% this year.
The
Amelioration Foundation realizes that there are two sides to every story.
Although we believe compulsory education makes about as much sense as diet
chocolate, there are certainly some excellent arguments for maintaining our
educational status quo. Thus, in keeping with our reputation
for objectivity and fair play, we present ...
Top
Ten Reasons Why Ending Compulsory Education is a Bad Idea
10. Easier to get drugs at school.
9. Army recruiters would be faced with a
dwindling pool of kids with no options; would have to find another source of
financially strapped, impressionable young people to do the bidding of the
military-industrial complex.
8. NEA would have to reduce membership
fees.
7. Parents might have to spend more time
with their children, take an interest in their socialization.
6. Cliff's Notes sales would plummet as
students begin to actually read literature, rather than memorize pertinent fact
for multiple choice/fill-in-the-blank tests.
5. Public schools provide necessary
skills for becoming a corporate drone upon graduating.
4. Students would lack social skills
without daily contact with peers at school; might go through life unable to
respond appropriately to interactions such as, "Fuck you, Faggot!"
3. Dean of students gets a rush from
suspending troublemakers; might turn to girlie mags, heroin to compensate.
2. Students might begin to think freely,
threaten social order, endanger
the American way of life.
1.
School
administrators would have to go to work at Burger King, or become hedge fund
managers and do some real work for a change.
Editor's note:
The above story is obviously satire and at certain points disturbing. As Americans we rarely question the idea of compulsory schooling and the purpose it serves in our society. If we are going to sincerely engage in the free and responsible search for truth and meaning we have to seriously examine the major institution in our society which claims to serve this purpose of transmitting truth and meaning from previous to subsequent generations in our society. Furthermore, it is not a free search but one that we have made compulsory. The question of how responsible it is raises interesting questions of what stakeholder interests are being served by the system we have created?
