Wednesday, May 6, 2020

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty three, Bringing paradise to earth

How To Build An Interdependent Relationship With Your Partner?

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty three
Bringing paradise to earth

Osho teaches that there are three types of romantic special relationships: dependent, independent, and interdependent. In this article, the interdependent type of relationship is described.

And the third possibility is of interdependence. That happens very rarely, but whenever it happens a part of paradise falls on the earth. Two persons, neither independent nor dependent but in a tremendous synchronicity, as if breathing for each other, one soul in two bodies—whenever that happens, love has happened. Call only this love. The other two are not really love, they are just arrangements—social, psychological, biological, but arrangements. The third is something spiritual.

Osho. Maturity: The Responsibility of Being Oneself (Osho Insights for a New Way of Living) . St. Martin's Press. P. 50 

The “interdependent” type of romantic special relationship is based on unconditional love. In the first two types of relationships, dependent and independent, the “love,” if you call it that, is conditional. Conditional love love is based on the idea of “I will love you if…………………” It is not really love at all but an exchange. The other is an object, a commodity.

The interdependent relationship is the kind of relationship most people say they want, a “kindred spirit” kind of relationship, but it rarely is achieved. In the first stages of a relationship when one has a “crush” or feels infatuated one is in a honeymoon phase. This honeymoon phase is an illusion because it is based on idealization and fantasy. It’s only a matter of time before the bubble bursts and the person comes face to face with the reality of the relationship which can be very annoying, hurtful, disappointing, and disillusionment sets in.

When the disillusionment inevitably sets in, the opportunity to create a genuine, authentic, interdependent relationship is presented. Few people, other than the very mature, are able to create and engage in such a relationship.

The hallmark of such an interdependent relationship is the conscientiously conscious awareness of another person’s well being. There is a deep seated empathic care and concern that is based on nothing other than the person’s intention to be there for the other person.

At a deep level, this being there for me is what a person wants the most out of a relationship. They want a partner who is dependable, reliable, understanding, and wants only the best for them and their relationship. They want a partner who will love them at their worst as well as at their best, warts and all. This is how God loves us and the experience of this kind of interdependent love is what, as Osho says, brings paradise to earth.

Relationships grow and develop over time. They can start as dependent and then progress to independent and culminate in interdependent. The question always to be answered as one pursues and engages in a special relationship is “What is the purpose of this relationship?” Is it to get one’s needs met? Is it companionship and to mitigate loneliness? Is it to acquire resources to accomplish some life goal? Is it to facilitate one’s own and a partner’s growth and development to actualize the potential to become ones’ best selves?

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

5 minute commentary - Special and Holy Relationships

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty two, Special and holy relationships

The Holy Grail Of Sacred Relationships – Temple Illuminatus

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty two
Special and holy relationships

Osho teaches in his book, Maturity: The Responsibility Of Being Oneself, that there are three kinds of special romantic relationships: dependent, independent, and interdependent. This article will address the second of the three: independent.

The second possibility is love between two independent persons. That too happens once in a while. But that too brings misery, because there is constant conflict. No adjustment is possible; both are so independent and nobody is ready to compromise, to adjust with the other. 

Poets, artists, thinkers, scientists, those who live in a kind of independence, at least in their minds, are impossible people to live with; they are eccentric people to live with. They give freedom to the other, but their freedom looks more like indifference than like freedom, looks more as if they don’t care, as if it doesn’t matter to them. They leave each other to their own spaces. Relationship seems to be only superficial; they are afraid to go deeper into each other because they are more attached to their freedom than to love, and they don’t want to compromise.

Osho. Maturity: The Responsibility of Being Oneself (Osho Insights for a New Way of Living) . St. Martin's Press. 49 - 50

In psychology, the kind of “independent” relationship Osho describes is called “avoidant.” People are roommates. They are more like business partners who maintain a household together, who raise children together, who engage in social activities together when it meets both their needs but at a deeper psychological and emotional level they have little if any awareness of each other's well being.

People sometimes have a “trophy” wife or husband or partner. The partner is objectified as playing a role rather than being a real person. In the old days, a husband would refer to his wife as “mother” or the wife would refer to the husband as “father.” Even more telling is when the article “the” is used before the role.The husband might say to his buddies, having been asked to go play golf, “I’ll have to ask ‘the wife’ first.”

These independent relationships can function well in the world of the ego as long as they are cooperative and there is no conflict, but if conflicts and disagreements arise people “fight” and if they can’t compromise the relationship will often end in separation.

A person in such a dyadic relationship has a choice: to either continue it in the independent, cooperative, avoidant style, to attempt to develop deeper rapport and conscientious awareness of the other’s well being, or to separate and go one’s own way.

In A Course In Miracles the student is asked to consider the question, “What is the purpose of this relationship?” Is it conditional or unconditional? Is it a “special relationship” or a “holy relationship?” The independent style relationship is a “special relationship” based on conditions whether conscious or unconscious and is not a “holy relationship” which is based on unconditional love and not utility.

The spiritual question is what kind of relationships do you want? In what kind of relationship do you put your faith?

Patience and perseverance and discernment


via CBC on GIPHY



















Patience and perseverance

To survive as an artist requires confronting these troubles. Basically, those who continue to make art are those who have learned how to continue — or more precisely, have learned how to not quit.

Bayles, David. Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking: 1 (pp. 9-10). Image Continuum Press. Kindle Edition. 

Like many things in life, doing things “artfully” requires patience and perseverance, P2. It is much easier, when things get hard to just quit. And as the saying goes, “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” it is also important that there comes a time, when one is on the wrong track, to quit.

Knowing when to quit and when to persevere is one of the hallmarks of wisdom. This knowing comes from discernment. Discernment is about tuning into God’s will or the Muse’s will or Life’s will whatever you want to call the Higher Power.

Good art does not come from the world of the ego but from the world of the Spirit. All good art comes from Love. Without love it is merely a tingling bell or a clanging cymbal as St. Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians.

You can tell when a work of art in any form is imbued with love and when it is a work of the ego. The fragrance is different. 

To create art takes faith. Faith in love as something beyond just one’s own ego. In what do you put your faith when you create art? How does your faith help you engage with patience and perseverance?


Monday, May 4, 2020

5 minute commentary - Three kinds of "special" relationships.

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty One, Three kinds of special relationships.

Stop Playing the Victim: How to Shift Up and Out of Dependence ...

The Spiritual Life, Topic Twenty One, 
Three kinds of special relationships

Osho describes in the book, Maturity: The Responsibility Of Being Oneself, three kinds of romantic relationships or what A Course In Miracles calls “special relationships.”

The first kind is characterized by dependence, the second by independence, and the third by interdependence.

Here is what Osho says about the first kind of romantic relationship: dependence.

Love can have three dimensions. One is that of dependence; that’s what happens to the majority of people. The husband is dependent on the wife, the wife is dependent on the husband; they exploit each other, they dominate each other, they possess each other, they reduce each other to a commodity. In ninety-nine percent of cases, that’s what is happening in the world. That’s why love, which can open the gates of paradise, opens only the gates of hell.

Osho. Maturity: The Responsibility of Being Oneself (Osho Insights for a New Way of Living) . St. Martin's Press. P.49

In A Course In Miracles there are two primary dynamics at work in dependent relationships: “give to get” and “one or the other.”

The first dynamic, “give to get,” is manipulative. The second dynamic is the projection of guilt. Both ego games create hell on earth.

The purpose of the dependent romantic relationship is to get someone else to make you happy. When they disappoint and fail us in our desires and expectations we get angry, defensive, resentful, full of grievance, and depressed. It can get so bad that people start to wish they were dead rather than endure any more emotional pain. Our egos are significantly wounded.

The learning that needs to take place is that it is inappropriate and unfair to place the responsibility for our happiness on other people. Ultimately, the only person that can make a person happy is themselves. It is quite a dawning when people recognize this fact and they begin to embark on a spiritual journey in search of where their true happiness lies.

5 minute comments - Becoming Aware Of One's Own Holiness

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