If you don't know where you're going any road will take you there.

The third principle of Unitarian Universalism, "acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations," when looked at deeply, has several interesting aspects.

First, why does the principle stop with "our congregations" and not extend outward to the community and world? Unitarian Universalism is known for its inclusivity not its exclusivity and yet in this principle it explicitly makes an exclusive statement that acceptance and encouragement to spiritual growth is affirmed and promoted in "our congregations" and not throughout the community the congregation is ensconced in nor the world. Unitarian Universalists eschew evangelisation and proselytization, but it seems odd that UUs would not want to share their faith beyond their congregations. Perhaps this limit in vision in this third principle is why the denomination has remained very small and, in fact, is shrinking.

Second, "acceptance" and "encouragement to spiritual growth" have little meaning without a frame of reference, a model, some map, a context for what this might entail. This question of what is spiritual growth is not answered easily and depends on the practice of the fourth principle which is the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Without some sense of "the truth" and some answer to the question of "what gives life meaning" we are lost when we try to answer the question of what "acceptance" might mean, and "encouragement to spiritual growth" might entail.

The Dali Lama has said that the meaning of life is happiness. The next question, "what will make me happy" is the humdinger, where the rubber hits the road. The devil is in the details as they say. Will tailgating and getting loaded before the football game make me happy. "Hell, yes." Hedonism many people believe makes them happy. I'm not sure that UUs would agree, certainly not all UUs. So what would Unitarian Universalism offer as an alternative to Hedonism as a pathway to achieve a happy life? Unitarian Universalism obviously has not come up with anything popularly recognized because there are hundreds of thousands of more people tailgating on any given Sunday at football games than ever attend a UU congregational activity.

Third, human beings are meaning making creatures and while Unitarian Universalism claims to draw from six primary sources, it does not do well in integrating the perennial wisdom of these six sources and so the nuggets of wisdom, gold, the diamonds of crystallized grace, get overlooked in the mud and slurry of nonessential nonsense in which these nuggets of wisdom are embedded. The function of the new religion of the 21st century should be to help us ferret these nuggets of wisdom out of the mines of these six sources, and yet this work is failing to get done and so people even if attracted to Unitarian Universalism wander on because while the acceptance may be there on the congregations part, it is not there on the seekers part because the encouragement to spiritual growth is not found only psychobabble and mediocre fellowship offered over coffee and scones. Acceptance is a two way street, and while congregations desperate for new members who can help pay the bills will accept just about anybody no questions asked, just sign the book, the seeker finds nothing of substance, nothing challenging enough, coherent enough, to make a disciplined commitment to which will facilitate the growth sought. And so UU congregations continue to be very small and losing members because they offer nothing coherent, substantive, meaningful to the growing population of "nones" in our society who state that they are "spiritual" but not "religious."

Fourth, in conclusion, Unitarian Universalism needs to develop more clarity about this "spiritual growth" thing. Do they even know what they are talking about or is this just psychobabble? Perhaps we will get a better idea when we move on to the next principle which is the free and responsible search for truth and meaning. The huge danger which Unitarian Universalism has not addressed well is the old proverb that if you don't know where you are going any road will take you there.

Short video of TransCanada XL pipeline protest on 08/05/11 at Governor's mansion in Lincoln, Nebraska

The TransCanada XL pipeline protest on 08/05/11 at the Nebraska governor's mansion in Lincoln which Mary Pipher writes about in her book, The Green Boat. You can see Mary Pipher pass through the crowd right at the very end of the 2:56 minute video.

The Green Boat by Mary Pipher

God calls us to be faithful. Whether we are successful or not is in God's hands.

Mary Pipher has written another wonderful book when she wrote, The Green Boat: Reviving Ourselves In Our Capsized Culture. While she has her Bachelor's degree in anthropology and her Ph.D in psychology, she has the mind and sensitivity of a poet and a humanist. She writes in her last chapter, "Former Czech president Vaclav Havel wrote of a moment when societies come their senses and decide to live 'outside the lie.'" p. 215. Certainly the United States has not yet arrived at that moment to 'live outside the lie' with its commitment and foundation planted squarely on the ground of predatory capitalism which has bought the three branches of our government lock stock and barrel with the United States Supreme Court ruling that money is speech allowing billionaires and corporations to buy their representatives in our congress, senate,  Presidency, Governorships and state houses.

And yet, Pipher writes a few paragraphs later, "More and more of us are grasping that we are all connected and part of one living organism, our biosphere. p.216

She writes on the next page, "Nobody knows what will happen to the planet, but we do know what makes humans stronger, healthier, and more resilient. That is facing the truth, dealing with it emotionally, and transforming it. Regardless of the results of our work, when we are doing our best, we feel happier and less alone. With the right attitude, we can withstand any storm." p.217 This seems to be a matter of faith, a faith of Pipher's. Not everyone would share it. Will humans ever get "the right attitude?" And if they don't, they won't be able to "withstand any storm." Hundreds of people didn't in New Orleans with Katrina or on Staten Island and in New York City with Hurricane Sandy, and with the other droughts and floods and the rising of the Atlantic Ocean faster than predicted on the upper east coast of the United States we shall see how well we "withstand" these environmental and planetary changes. I, and I assume you who are reading this, hope that Pipher is right as well that we will be resilient enough to not only to withstand it but learn from it and correct our dysfunctional beliefs and practices.

There are two more quotes I would like to share with you that Pipher writes at the end of her book. First, she writes:

"Happiness and sustainability depend on everyone healing everyone else. As we repair our relationships with the web of life, the web of life will repair us. Healing the earth is not a liberal or a conservative idea - it is a form of prayer." pp.217-218. It has been the prayer of Unitarian Universalists since 1985 when the seven principles were revised and adopted at that year's UUA general convention including the seventh principle, a "respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part."

Second, Pipher writes in her last paragraph of the book, "Most of us take care of what we love and we grow to love what we take care of. Every place has the potential to be beautiful and filled with love - in other words, sacred." p. 219

And so, The Green Boat by Mary Pipher ends. It is a wonderful book describing depression, fear, frustration, discouragement, impending doom which ends with hope, faith, and love for ourselves and future generations and all living things on earth. While Mary describes herself as the "world's worst Buddhist" she, as I suggested earlier, should be nominated for an award as a Unitarian Universalist luminary as her work exemplifies the UU values.

The moral of the story is that we need not be depressed as long as we work in loving, joyful, fun ways with others to create a better world. Like Mother Teresa, Dr. Pipher seems to advise that we not worry so much about success, the results of our efforts, because we can easily become discouraged being thwarted and beaten by opposing forces with more money and resources and power, but we should take comfort and satisfaction and fulfillment in doing our best with grace, courage, persistence and love. As Mother Teresa said, "God calls us to be faithful, not to be successful." Whether we are successful or not is in God's hands. Our faith inspires us to answer the call. If Pipher and other like minded people in Nebraska can join together, forge new relationships and work together to protect the earth, we can too.

Jennifer Lunden's article The Butterfly Effect

If you enjoyed the discussion on UUAWOL about Flight Behavior you might enjoy Jennifer Lunden's article about the Monarch Butterflies, entitled the Butterfly Effect which appears in the collection of articles in the new book "True Stories, Well Told" which is a collection of articles which have appeared in the last 20 years in the Creative Nonfiction Magazine. Lunden's article was also selected for the Pushcart prize.

You can access the article by clicking here.

Also, my book of the collection of articles which appeared here entitled, "Critical Reading of Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver: A Unitarian Universalist's Perspective" is available from Amazon.com.

Story of the day - Without vision the people perish or enjoy afternoon delight

He raised his voice slightly and intoned, "It is said in Proverbs, 'Where there is no vision, the people perish', and where is the vision in this congregation? Who is it we want to become? What is it that we, as a people, feel called to do for ourselves, our community, our world?"

Barry felt a tingle in his spine. Rev. Burnett was usually not this inspired, this decisive, this forceful. Barry liked what he was saying, but also felt slightly anxious, afraid, but of what? He elbowed Linda and stuck his chin out at the reverend up in the pulpit preaching. She nodded. She looked like she felt it too.

When they went to brunch later after the service Barry said to Linda, "What was up with Doug this morning? He seemed a bit wound up. What's with all this vision stuff?

Linda said, "Barb told me he is thinking of leaving. She said that Melony told her that Doug is feeling burned out. He's lost his spark," she said, "as if he ever had any."

"He seems like a nice guy," said Barry. "Everybody likes him."

"Maybe that's the problem," said Linda. "Nice guys finish last."

"I wonder if he's depressed," said Barry.

"Yeah, well Barb said that Melony told her that he did start on some antidepressant, Zoloft, or Prozac, or something like that."

"Well maybe that explains it then. Doug has discovered a little more fire in his belly. Maybe he is amping up to actually lead this congregation somewhere instead of just coast in a sea of mediocrity," said Barry.

"The question," Linda said, "if you are right, is will we follow?"

"Where is he guiding us," said Barry, "is the first question we would have to have answered before we get to that one."

"All I know," said Linda, "is if you don't know where you're going any road will take you there, and we have been taking Sunday morning leisurely drives all over the place for the last 4 years since he has been here and we've arrived at absolutely nowhere that I can see."

"Ahhhhhh," said Barry laughing, " nowhere is somewhere even though when you get there you don't know where you are."

"Exactly," said Linda laughing with him, "we are somewhere, maybe, and if Doug figures out where he is, and we are, maybe he will tell us as his vision thing becomes clearer to him."

"Remember when the kids were little and we'd be traveling that long trip to your mother's and we wouldn't have even traveled 30 minutes and the kids would start asking, 'are we there yet?', and we'd say ' we still have a long way to go. Take a nap. Go to sleep.'?"

"Are you suggesting that we take a nap, go to sleep, until Doug figures out where we are going and we get there?" said Linda.

Barry said, "Linda, honey, it's Sunday. We have a whole afternoon to ourselves. It's been awhile. How about we enjoy some 'afternoon delight?'"

"Splendid," was all she said with  a Mona Lisa smile on her face.

My Kind Of Church Music - Afternoon Delight, Starland Vocal Band

Spiritual encouragement requires a mind of one's own

In the third principle, Unitarian Universalists covenant to affirm and promote acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations and often have difficulty in comprehending what, at a deep level, this acceptance and spiritual growth might actually entail. Murray Bowen, the Psychiatrist at Georgetown and a pioneer in family therapy, developed what has come to be known as Bowenian Family Systems Theory. One of his students, Edwin Friedman, also happened to be a Rabbi and used Bowen's ideas in consulting work with synagogues and congregations from various religions and denominations. A key idea which Bowen developed, and Friedman further expanded on and applied, is the idea of differentiation. In simple terms, differentiation is how one is different from one's family of origin. In other words, to what extent does this person have a mind of his/her own, can stand on his/her own two feet, is captain of his/her ship, and master or mistress of his/her own fate?

We all grow up in a family of origin and unconsciously inherit what I call a "psychological legacy." That psychological legacy is made up of the values, beliefs, opinions, traditions, preferences, and practices of our family. There is the Johnson way of doing things, the Rodriquez way of doing things, and the Singletary way of doing things. If you ask most people why they value what they value, why they believe what they believe, why they do what they do, they will look at you like a deer in the headlights and say something like, "I don't know. That's the way I was raised." Most people don't think about their psychological legacy consciously until they think about having children of their own, or have children of their own, when now they have to decide to what extent they want to keep the values, beliefs, and practices they grew up with and what they want to change. Some of the values, beliefs, and practices they grew up with they might think were very good for them and they want to pass those values, beliefs, and practices on to their children, and other of those values, beliefs, and practices they may think were abusive, unfair, not right and they have said to themselves, "If I have have a child of my own, I certainly are not raising them and treating them the way I have been raised and treated. I am going to do it different."

Bowen is clear that whether a person changes some of the values, beliefs, and practices or keeps them does not matter as far as differentiation is concerned. The point is -  did the person make a conscious choice? Once a person becomes conscious of the values, beliefs, and practices and makes a decision to keep them or change them, the person is in control of his/her own life and not just victimized by emotional and social forces and dynamics he/she doesn't understand. He or she now understands what makes him or her tick. They have some understanding of the forces that influence their own functioning and so they can manage them. Without this conscious recognition they are doomed to be influenced by forces that they don't understand or are even aware of. How spiritually aware can a person be if he or she doesn't even understand the forces that influence their own functioning?

Bowen says some interesting things about the application of his model of differentiation. He says that descriptively you could could put differentiation on a 10 point scale with 10 being enlightened, fully actualized, realized, self aware human being. Jesus and Buddha and other enlightened masters have made it all the way to a 10, but most people don't grow much past 5. Bowen says that the degree of differentiation is directly related to a person's mental health so the more differentiated a person has become the more mentally healthy (s)he will be. The level of differentiation is directly related to a person's consciousness and level of functioning. So a 5 will always marry a 5, or a 6 a 6, but a 6 would never marry a 5 because the 6 would always to talking over the 5's head.

Friedman, in applying Bowen's theory to organizations, found that subordinates have a hard time functioning at any higher level of differentiation that their superior. This observation makes it critical for the head of an organization to be a person who has achieved a relatively high level of differentiation or the whole organization, congregation will suffer.

How do you help someone become more differentiated? By helping him or her have a mind of his/her own and be able to take principled stands and positions on issues of disagreement and conflict within the group or organization. If the person with the authority to make decisions and allocate resources is wishy washy, ambiguous, rides the fence, afraid to take a stand or position, the functioning of the group or organization will suffer.

It probably is no surprise that when the leader(s) of a congregation and/or group are "straight with people", willing to put his/her cards on the table, is willing to call a spade a spade and take the bull by the horns, things go better in the long wrong even if this honesty wrankles some people in the short run. It is hard, if not impossible, for a subordinate to function at a higher level of differentiation that his/her superordinate. The subordinate who is growing and surpasses their superordinate must either leave the organization or take charge if the organization is going to survive and thrive.

As we review the New Testament and consider Jesus' functioning, there are many statements about people being amazed that this carpenter's son speaks with such authority and wisdom. Some people are astounded and say things like, "where did this person come from? How can this be?" And others mock Him and sarcastically address Him as rabbi when He is not ordained and a rabbi in any official capacity. People immediately though recognize Jesus as highly differentiated. Jesus even asks his own disciples one time, "Who do you say that I am?" and they recognize that there is something special about Jesus' functioning but they have a hard time answering His question articulately.

It is imperative that congregational leadership be highly differentiated other wise the functioning of the congregation is mediocre at best and full of conflict and strife at the worst. It could be argued that Unitarian Universalism is a very tiny denomination and its congregations are also very small on average because of the lack of differentiated leadership and because of this the congregational culture isn't such that much spiritual growth can be encouraged from a Bowenian systems perspective. Perhaps it is the misguided understanding of "democracy" which leads to consensual decision making and endless committee meetings in UU congregations which not only leads to, but sustains and encourages, this mediocrity.

If the UUA were to seriously address the application of its third principle it would need to have a ministerial training program which educated and socialized holy and highly differentiated ministers for leadership. Without this the denomination will continue to stagnate unless lay leadership emerges which can function effectively without depending on a mediocre clerical staff.

This model predicts a cascading dynamic in organizations that are isomorphic so that the highest functioning people, hopefully in leadership rolls, will nurture and encourage the growth of the people at lower levels or more marginal positions in the organization. This kind of differentiated leadership is emotional and doesn't have anything to do necessarily with intelligence, degrees, credentials, or social status but with what Daniel Goleman calls "emotional intelligence."

To be emotionally intelligent one needs to be very self aware, have excellent self control, the ability to tolerate high levels of ambiguity and frustration, the ability to be self directed and set goals and persist in the pursuit of them in spite of barriers and obstacles, and be very empathic and able to read people and manage their emotions for them as well as one's own.

The deal with spiritual encouragement is that people with more spiritual insight, knowledge, and functioning can share what they have with people who have less, and in the process they learn again or more intensively and extensively what they teach and share. This dynamic then becomes a win/win in our congregations which are experienced as dynamic, inspired, and full of joy and Love.